digiorno | ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

. . . Oh. Jotaro, I think that's a film.

[Because Giorno is totally that person who says film instead of movie. But anyway.]

Why would they say something like that?

It's a movie?

[oh my god. oh my GOD.]

...And it's not out yet in 1987, so I wouldn't — dammit. Those bastards...

It's about aliens? And the government. I've never seen it, I just know it exists.

[He drums his fingers against the edge of the tub.]

Aliens, I told them I was an alien when they first arrived. They must really like alien jokes.

Seems like it, yeah.

[He pauses, looking down at Jolie, who has begun to do slippery laps around the tub as she tries to get accustomed to the running water and filling space.]

They fed me a story to avoid telling me the real reason why we'd met. They figured out I didn't know them, and didn't want to cause trouble. So they made something up.

. . . They're good boys.

[Like they aren't his age. But it's something that Bruno said to him, something that made him happy to hear. It's something that's right to say about Star. So why not them?]

I'm sure we wouldn't have gotten along in the end. But I liked them.

Okuyasu wanted to work for a bank. I remember I asked him one time.

[...]

According to another source from that time period, I'm going to get a doctorate. So...no need to worry about that.

Good. That's something that should be.

[A bank. He could have used that. But they would have hated him eventually.]

[He rests his chin on his hands at the edge of the tub, watches Jolie shuffle around the tub.]

Did they say what you were studying?

Marine biology, after all. I'm writing my thesis on starfish.

[Jolie is splashing away now, biting at her paws out of an uncertain dislike for her wet fur.]

...Remember a couple months back, we were sitting in the cafe and you asked me that, what do I want to do from here on out...and I couldn't tell you? I couldn't see any of that. But you told me what I needed to hear, made me see that I should try.

[That hurts to hear, but in a good way, like growing pains, but in the heart instead of the shins. After a moment's pause, during which he doesn't stop watching Jolie, he leans his head on Jotaro's shoulder.]

I meant what I said in the letter at Christmas, you know. I'm proud of you.

I know.

[And this is when he falls silent, letting Giorno set the pace for the time being, staying still to let him get comfortable without being jostled as he turns words over in his head and tries to fit them into the right timing.]

...I hope I can return the favor. When you're stuck sometime, and can't see the way out yourself.

[It feels like being stuck, that's for sure. Like he's being pulled in all directions so that the end result is not moving at all. He has no power now, for all his power.]

[He closes his eyes, focusing on the afterimage of Jolie behind his eyelids.]

Sometimes that just isn't an option, unfortunately.

I know that, too.

[It's tempting to reach out, shift and slip an arm around him, but he's hesitant to jostle or jar Giorno at all, so he keeps quiet and still instead.

But equally silent is Star Platinum's appearance, a few feet away near the wall, like a silent guardian himself — and one more link in a chain of support.]

You've been biting your nails.

[He senses more than hears Star's presence, opens his eyes to look at him. He's beautiful, a friend, a support. An easier support, maybe, because Star won't make him talk.]

[Drawing attention to his nails makes him hook his hands into his pockets, an odd, unnatural shift in the way he's sitting.]

I didn't expect anyone to notice.

[Or care, maybe.]

I notice.

[He leaves that simple, doesn't elaborate much. It says a lot in very few words, being so wide open to interpretation.]

Kakyoin's an insomniac. I need things to do with my hands — a lot of times I smoke. You bite your nails. We're a lot alike.

I'm worried about him.

[And Narancia. And Izabel. And Bruno. And missing the point entirely. He curls his hand around Jotaro's elbow, looking down and away.]

I don't usually. I made myself stop.

Why did you stop?

[That's a stupid question, isn't it? Stupid, with an obvious answer. Except that maybe there are a lot of answers, and finding out which one it is promises to be unusually telling.]

Because it's bad for you? Just because you could?

[Because it's weakness put on display? It could be a lot of things.]

[He shrugs one shoulder, the one that isn't leaned against Jotaro's arm.]

I don't like people seeing when I'm . . .

[What? What is he feeling, really? It's becoming hard to say. He leans over and shuts off the tap, then runs his damp fingers down the back of Jolie's neck again.]

I don't like when people see me.

Too much you. No...

[He hesitates. The concept, he knows well enough; it's the phrasing it properly that slows him down.]

...armor. Between you and them.

. . . Mmm.

[A slight bob of his head; he turns his face against Jotaro's arm. He doesn't want it to go away - the armor, or his friend, he doesn't know which, but he can't have both at once, can he?]

I want to and I have to. It's not just the wanting, it's not just that. But that's part of it.

And you have to because that's who they need you to be? You have to lead by example. Be strong to prove it's possible to be.

[He reaches into the tub, splashes a few droplets of water into the air for Jolie to occupy herself with. She's oblivious and precious, and that makes one of them, all told.]

That's right. That's exactly right.

[His voice is muffled against Jotaro's sleeve. It's safe here, he knows. There are two fewer safe spaces in the city now, but Jotaro is still here.]

For Narancia especially . . . for Fugo. For Bruno, too, even if he doesn't think he needs that. They need me.

[And you need him, he finishes in his head, watching all the pieces fall into place and ultimately deciding that it'd be kinder not to voice it when it's something they both already know. And he's not here.]

When everybody leans on you from different sides...it's worse than falling over, because you're still standing but no one's holding you up. You're just caught between all of them.

[And he's not here. And Trish isn't, either. And it might have been fine if he'd never been here at all, but after this - all this time, all the comfort he'd forgotten and then remembered again - after that, it's really not fine at all.]

I know you . . . know what that is. What it's like. So I don't want to complain.

I think the fact that I know is the reason why you can complain.

[He hesitates again.]

...I don't want you to be surrounded by people and still alone. It's because I know how it feels that I don't want that for you.

. . . Well, what--

[Pause, breathe, in, out; he's trying, god, he's trying.]

What good does it do, anyway? It doesn't change anything.

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