digiorno | ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

Could he really be independent on that level? He's still you. Can he disobey?

[...Well, that's entirely Giorno's point, isn't it? If he doesn't know...]

...You don't know if he can or not.

I don't really know anything about him. He never wanted anything before except to . . . be close, I suppose.

[He huffs out a sigh and snuggles back against Star's chest, occupying both hands in braiding a strand of hair.]

He's been agitated since - I don't like letting him out in Mista's room now, even when he's not fully there I can feel him, it's like - a buzzing. Angry wasps.

...Oh. So you haven't...

[Hmm. It's strange; he's so used to being the biggest novice when it comes to Stand use (and who wouldn't, next to someone like Kakyoin), it never really occurred to him that a relationship similar to the one he has with Star might be unusual for someone else to experience, or begin to experience.

But they're all different, aren't they? Hierophant isn't like this, and...]

When Star is happy, it feels like it could knock me over. But he can only do what...I guess, what I give him the space to. Like...if I were to force him to let me get hurt, he would have to, but if I give him the space he'll try to defend me. He can't break through the boundaries that I give him.

He's not doing anything big, it's just . . .

[He draws his lip between his teeth, gnaws lightly. Maybe just saying exactly what happened would be better.]

That thing that happened before, with the flower. It was when we were hanging mistletoe. So it could have been a mimic, but it felt like - that feeling you get when you know there's something you have to do but you don't know how. And when H-- when your mother gave him something, there was something, too. Positive.

The anger is the strongest, though.

...I want to ask you a kind of weird question, then. It's fine if you don't really get what I mean, but this is the only way...that I know how to think of it. There's no real guidebook or anything on how to do this, so.

[...]

When you think of Gold Experience, what he is in relation to you. How do you...if you had to put a word on how you treat him, what he is to you, what would it be?

[That has him looking at Jotaro directly, surprised and uncertain. Not because it's a bad question, but because he realizes immediately that he doesn't have an answer. He's never thought about it. He has an answer for everything, he's thought about everything, but not this?]

[Without meaning to or even realizing he's doing it, he draws his hand down until the side of his thumb brushes against his lips. The skin is a little ragged; he feels it with his teeth when they dig in again.]

[Gold Experience likes Kakyoin. Gold Experience loves Izabel. Gold Experience wants to please people, at least that's what it seems like. Gold Experience loves Mista best of all. Gold Experience gets angry fast, just like he does. Gold Experience is his second backbone.]

[All that put together. What does it mean?]

One word . . . ?

I don't really know, Jotaro. Maybe . . . volatile. I think I might try not to think about it much.

[Like he doesn't want to know.]

Edited 2015-12-31 06:31 (UTC)

[He hums softly, turning his eyes up to watch Giorno, and as he does Star tilts his chin down and pushes his mouth against the top of Giorno's head in a nuzzle that isn't, exactly.]

My grandfather's Stand is...vines. That's it, just vines. It's not humanoid, it doesn't have a personality. I think if he had to describe it, he'd consider it something like a tool, or a magic trick. An object, a thing.

Kakyoin...he and Hierophant are inseparable, to him. Hierophant is an extension of himself; that's why people who can only see Kakyoin can't possibly see everything. Because to Kakyoin, Hierophant...is like another limb. Not a different thing. A piece of him.

When I met Star...I thought he was possessing me. Some completely different thing, entirely separate from me. Even now, knowing he's a part of me...I can't shake that original feeling, that he's separate. Because I remember a time when he wasn't "me", and adding him to "me" doesn't make me feel like I've changed any. Star is...like having a pet, almost, is the only way I can think of to describe it. "Mine" more than "me".

I think...maybe what Gold Experience is, maybe you were on to it before. He's "something that could be used against you". I think...if you can decide what he is to you, understanding the things you experience through him will be easier.

[Something in him lurches furiously at pet, and it makes him start a little, but as he leans back into Star, forcing himself to relax, he can't tell whether it was him or something else. Wherever that came from, he hates it, and leans up to knock his temple lightly against Star's jaw, almost defiant.]

I never knew anyone who thought of their Stand as anything other than a tool before Mista. And he treated them like - like children.

[He misses them. He misses them. Izabel will miss them, too. He wants them back. He knocks his head against Star's jaw again, more weakly this time.]

He's mine. He never was before, but he is now. I don't know what he was before.

Do you know how he feels about you?

[Despite himself, he pulls a wet hand out of the bath and swipes the back along his jaw, smoothing away the phantom sensation.]

It's okay if you don't, it's just another thing to think about.

No, I--

[Wait. That's not right, is it. He lowers his eyes, frowns sharply.]

Earlier this month, when I - you know. I was upset and I needed help but I couldn't say so, and he brought Kakyoin to me.

[He protects Kakyoin, too, but that wasn't the question.]

Did I - hurt you?

No. It just...it kind of tickles.

[This, though. This is new, and different, and maybe very telling; his interest piques visibly.]

He brought Kakyoin to help you?

Mmhm. Is that important?

[Carefully, experimentally, he goes back to braiding, finishes the first one and lets it fall against Star's cheek before moving on to the next.]

I couldn't speak. He wouldn't either, because we're not supposed to scare Kakyoin, but he pulled him close.

It...might be.

[This is...different. Fascinating. And moreover, Giorno is talking and relaxing against Star, and those are all important things too.]

Are you okay with bringing him out? If I try something, to see what you get back from it?

Of course.

[Shifting a little, he finishes the second braid at the same time Gold Experience blooms, kneeling at his side. His Stand is different today, too, eyes locked on Giorno rather than looking out at the room, even Jolie.]

[He watches carefully, gauging the subtle nuances of interplay between Giorno and his Stand, and particularly so with Star Platinum in such close proximity.

...Maybe that's one place to start, and so, at a silent direction from Jotaro, Star slides a hand free and reaches for one of Gold Experience's.]

[That one, at least, seems to be easy. As soon as Star's hand gets close enough, Gold Experience's closes the distance between them with an almost audible snap, quick as a striking snake. His grip is tight; Giorno's shoulders relax visibly at the phantom pressure, and he watches curiously out of the corner of his eye as he continues his work.]

[The speed is surprising, more from the unexpectedness of it than the velocity of the reach itself; one second Star's hand is free and the next Gold Experience is just there, and when contact is made, Giorno...relaxes.

...

Because Star Platinum is safe, isn't that right?

Spurred on by curiosity, he quietly directs Star again, this time with a quick laundry list of the Six Important Things (Kakyoin, Mom, pudding, Giorno, fish, Grandpa), bleeding easily into the urge to beam his feelings at Gold Experience.

And Star does, his face breaking into a wide and merry smile that he turns toward Gold Experience as best he can, without mussing Giorno's handiwork too much by it.]

[Gold Experience doesn't seem to react very much. He was still staring at Giorno rather than Star, even after his own movement, focused and fervent and unblinking; when Star turns his smile on him, he lifts his head and meets his eyes without any significant change in expression.]

[But Giorno flinches. Jotaro said something about . . . being knocked over. This isn't that, it's more like - the sensation of being in the center of a frantic swarm of insects. But it's more than he's ever felt from Gold Experience at once before, except with Holly at Christmas.]

[What is it? It's a good thing and a bad thing - love, gratitude, a muted recognition of the fact that it's good to see Star smiling. Some of that might be his own, too; he isn't sure. But the terror underneath, the staystaystaypleasestay, that's not his, because he knows neither of them are going anywhere.]

. . . I don't know how to explain what just happened very well.

[Which is not to say that he won't try, of course. He clears his throat and resumes the third braid, his knuckles brushing deliberately against Star's cheek for a touchstone.]

Fear . . . not of him or you, but of . . . absence. If that makes any sense.

That's what it is, huh...

[Watching this little scene unfold is unusual and fascinating. It occurs to him that this is probably what it's like for other people, watching the way he interacts with Star, but naturally he's a fundamental player in that and therefore can never notice the goings-on of their interplay the way that an outside party would. So it's different, and easily captures his attention, watching what they do and taking in Giorno's feedback, trying to fit it all together into explanations that make sense.]

You feel safe around Star. He feels...a need to be safe, and then a fear of not being. He's volatile, he gets agitated about things you try to hold firm on. He brings you help when you can't ask for it.

He feels your feelings before logic gets to them. He's...irrational. Not necessarily wrong, either, just...raw. Before rationality ever shapes any of it.

. . . That's horrible.

[For the first time he really looks at his Stand and thinks what it must be like to feel that, all that too much all the time, and not be able to control it. It sounds like hell to him, and he feels a stab of - not quite pity, but something close.]

[Carefully, he finishes the third braid and lets it fall, leans back against Star's chest again and reaches out to cup his Stand's cold cheek. He's always looked so much like an insect, which made him seem detached, but now that he's paying attention, he can feel the fear there.]

I always thought he came to me for warmth. That that was why he always wanted to have an arm around me if he could. But . . . when I get angry, it seems like that makes him open up and not be able to shut down again. That's why I said volatile.

It's only a guess. I might be wrong.

[Meanwhile, evidently intrigued, Star blows a puff of air at the braids where they're hanging, making them swing away from his face and back again. The little jolt of pleasure that follows suggests that he's found them to his liking, at least.]

Everything I know about Star, I've had to learn through trial and error. Taking guesses and testing them out. So it might be something else, something only you can figure out.

...When he feels angry, does it feel like he's going to get away from you? Out of control?

It's a little hard to say. I'm not sure how much is genuine danger and how much is just my own fear of something bad happening. But he's never disobeyed me directly, at least.

Maybe it's more like . . . it feels like permission? Or that it's easier for me to . . . be angry myself. I don't know.

[He lets go of Gold Experience and gets back to the business of braiding, which has a lot of finger-combing involved by the simple necessity of how much goddamn hair he's got. Gold Experience seems to hesitate, then leans carefully against Star's shoulder.]

Is it easy for you to tell what's Star's and what's yours?

...Sometimes. I usually have a pretty good idea of what I'm feeling about something. Things that Star feels are different, so it's like they come from somewhere else. And he's always stronger, like he doesn't have a filter. Not in a bad way, but like...looking at a bright light through sunglasses, versus looking into it directly. So when things are too bright, they're usually Star.

[That's a little poetic, almost. He reaches into the bath and gives Jolie a little push, rolling her over onto her side and making her wriggle in the water.]

There was one time I remember, when I fought N'doul — that guy with the cane, in the desert. That was when Star got me, and not the other way around. I didn't move, but he screamed for me.

I know what I feel about things, but I sometimes . . . make myself feel it less. So maybe that muddies the waters a little. - You're a good boy.

[This to Star, a verbal touchstone, as he moves onto the next braid, cocking his head sideways to listen to Jolie splashing around.]

He moves for you - to protect you like that. Gold Experience doesn't do that so much, not in the same way.

Does she like it?

Mm, that's a perfect example of a thing that feels different. What you did right there. Star likes the praise, I'm indifferent, so what I feel...I know that's Star.

[An explanation that appears to come echoed by a soft ora of approval from above Giorno.]

Jolie? Seems that way. She's damp all the way now and it doesn't seem to bother her.

ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)