digiorno | ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

...And you'd rather die than see one more person get hurt.

[The words come out distant and hollow, like an echo of a sentiment he understands all too well.]

That first night, when we met. Remember? I pulled Kakyoin behind me.

Do you think that's how it is for them, too?

I don't know. Maybe.

If it is, I have to stop. Don't I? Except it seems impossible.

You don't have to do anything.

[Because...it's not about having to, right? Because have to, that's always easier, but in the end it's just more weight, one more thing to carry. This is...]

Do you want to stop? What...do you want?

I want . . .

[Something. Something, probably. Surely he wants something.]

I want it to be last week.

. . . I want things I can't have. I don't know. I want him back. I want to stop wanting things.

You want to stop feeling like this?

[Maybe. Maybe it's worth seeing how he responds to that.]

For a little while. Yes.

[All of a sudden sitting up is too hard, and he slumps sideways onto Star.]

Maybe someone should throw me into the ocean and see if I swim.

Don't think I won't.

[Don't think Star won't adjust to make himself easier to lean on, either, unfolding and stretching out his legs to position himself like a giant purple chair forged entirely of ghost muscle.]

...Did you know that when dolphins carry people on their back, they swim so that their rider won't drown?

[He's quiet at that, burrowing his face against Star's arm just the way he did with Jotaro a moment ago. Safe here, it is safe here, he knows it is, and takes hold of Star's wrists in his thin fingers and squeezing again lightly.]

Does that make you the dolphin?

I was thinking of someone else, actually.

[With Giorno installed against Star, he takes a moment to attend to the bathtub again, splashing the water for Jolie to interact with.]

Even if you didn't swim...I think your Gold Experience would make sure there was a dolphin nearby.

. . . Do you think he's like that? The same as Star?

[Leaning back, he reaches up and runs his fingers through Star's dark bangs, watching the goings-on in the tub with the first flicker of curiosity he's shown so far.]

I don't know if he's the same. But I think...

[Hmm. The phantom sensation of fingers in his hair is strange, but weirdly distracting, and makes it easy to lose his train of thought for a moment.]

...I think he's the type to surprise you, at a time you need it the most.

He made a present for someone a few weeks ago. I didn't even know her. I didn't even know there was anyone there.

[It's easier now to look up at Star and listen to Jotaro. It's the same thing in the end, isn't it? That's what Kakyoin would say. His other hand comes up to pat Star lightly on the cheek.]

I liked it better when I thought I knew everything about myself. About him, too.

Why does it bother you? Because the things you don't know might be bad?

[He closes his eyes, despite himself, tilting his head a little in response to the phantom touch ghosting against his cheek.]

The things I don't know might be used against me, Jotaro.

[It seems so obvious to him. His voice comes quiet, so quiet, as if on some unconscious instinct he only speaks loud enough for Star to hear him, assuming that Jotaro will hear it through him.]

Things that can be used against me can be used against them. You, too.

I don't...

[He glances up, head tilted slightly to one side, his hand suspended a foot or so from the bottom of the tub where Jolie can still push her head against it as she pleases.]

I don't understand. Using Gold Experience against us?

. . . A person with separate motivations. Not exactly human, but with thoughts and opinions. They can be tricked. He could be used against me, if there's a weakness in him - an emotional one, or even just an interest.

[He glances towards Jotaro again, slows the carding of his fingers through Star's hair.]

If there are things he wants, or people he likes, he can be manipulated. Just like me.

Could he really be independent on that level? He's still you. Can he disobey?

[...Well, that's entirely Giorno's point, isn't it? If he doesn't know...]

...You don't know if he can or not.

I don't really know anything about him. He never wanted anything before except to . . . be close, I suppose.

[He huffs out a sigh and snuggles back against Star's chest, occupying both hands in braiding a strand of hair.]

He's been agitated since - I don't like letting him out in Mista's room now, even when he's not fully there I can feel him, it's like - a buzzing. Angry wasps.

...Oh. So you haven't...

[Hmm. It's strange; he's so used to being the biggest novice when it comes to Stand use (and who wouldn't, next to someone like Kakyoin), it never really occurred to him that a relationship similar to the one he has with Star might be unusual for someone else to experience, or begin to experience.

But they're all different, aren't they? Hierophant isn't like this, and...]

When Star is happy, it feels like it could knock me over. But he can only do what...I guess, what I give him the space to. Like...if I were to force him to let me get hurt, he would have to, but if I give him the space he'll try to defend me. He can't break through the boundaries that I give him.

He's not doing anything big, it's just . . .

[He draws his lip between his teeth, gnaws lightly. Maybe just saying exactly what happened would be better.]

That thing that happened before, with the flower. It was when we were hanging mistletoe. So it could have been a mimic, but it felt like - that feeling you get when you know there's something you have to do but you don't know how. And when H-- when your mother gave him something, there was something, too. Positive.

The anger is the strongest, though.

...I want to ask you a kind of weird question, then. It's fine if you don't really get what I mean, but this is the only way...that I know how to think of it. There's no real guidebook or anything on how to do this, so.

[...]

When you think of Gold Experience, what he is in relation to you. How do you...if you had to put a word on how you treat him, what he is to you, what would it be?

[That has him looking at Jotaro directly, surprised and uncertain. Not because it's a bad question, but because he realizes immediately that he doesn't have an answer. He's never thought about it. He has an answer for everything, he's thought about everything, but not this?]

[Without meaning to or even realizing he's doing it, he draws his hand down until the side of his thumb brushes against his lips. The skin is a little ragged; he feels it with his teeth when they dig in again.]

[Gold Experience likes Kakyoin. Gold Experience loves Izabel. Gold Experience wants to please people, at least that's what it seems like. Gold Experience loves Mista best of all. Gold Experience gets angry fast, just like he does. Gold Experience is his second backbone.]

[All that put together. What does it mean?]

One word . . . ?

I don't really know, Jotaro. Maybe . . . volatile. I think I might try not to think about it much.

[Like he doesn't want to know.]

Edited 2015-12-31 06:31 (UTC)

[He hums softly, turning his eyes up to watch Giorno, and as he does Star tilts his chin down and pushes his mouth against the top of Giorno's head in a nuzzle that isn't, exactly.]

My grandfather's Stand is...vines. That's it, just vines. It's not humanoid, it doesn't have a personality. I think if he had to describe it, he'd consider it something like a tool, or a magic trick. An object, a thing.

Kakyoin...he and Hierophant are inseparable, to him. Hierophant is an extension of himself; that's why people who can only see Kakyoin can't possibly see everything. Because to Kakyoin, Hierophant...is like another limb. Not a different thing. A piece of him.

When I met Star...I thought he was possessing me. Some completely different thing, entirely separate from me. Even now, knowing he's a part of me...I can't shake that original feeling, that he's separate. Because I remember a time when he wasn't "me", and adding him to "me" doesn't make me feel like I've changed any. Star is...like having a pet, almost, is the only way I can think of to describe it. "Mine" more than "me".

I think...maybe what Gold Experience is, maybe you were on to it before. He's "something that could be used against you". I think...if you can decide what he is to you, understanding the things you experience through him will be easier.

[Something in him lurches furiously at pet, and it makes him start a little, but as he leans back into Star, forcing himself to relax, he can't tell whether it was him or something else. Wherever that came from, he hates it, and leans up to knock his temple lightly against Star's jaw, almost defiant.]

I never knew anyone who thought of their Stand as anything other than a tool before Mista. And he treated them like - like children.

[He misses them. He misses them. Izabel will miss them, too. He wants them back. He knocks his head against Star's jaw again, more weakly this time.]

He's mine. He never was before, but he is now. I don't know what he was before.

Do you know how he feels about you?

[Despite himself, he pulls a wet hand out of the bath and swipes the back along his jaw, smoothing away the phantom sensation.]

It's okay if you don't, it's just another thing to think about.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject