digiorno | ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

No, I--

[Wait. That's not right, is it. He lowers his eyes, frowns sharply.]

Earlier this month, when I - you know. I was upset and I needed help but I couldn't say so, and he brought Kakyoin to me.

[He protects Kakyoin, too, but that wasn't the question.]

Did I - hurt you?

No. It just...it kind of tickles.

[This, though. This is new, and different, and maybe very telling; his interest piques visibly.]

He brought Kakyoin to help you?

Mmhm. Is that important?

[Carefully, experimentally, he goes back to braiding, finishes the first one and lets it fall against Star's cheek before moving on to the next.]

I couldn't speak. He wouldn't either, because we're not supposed to scare Kakyoin, but he pulled him close.

It...might be.

[This is...different. Fascinating. And moreover, Giorno is talking and relaxing against Star, and those are all important things too.]

Are you okay with bringing him out? If I try something, to see what you get back from it?

Of course.

[Shifting a little, he finishes the second braid at the same time Gold Experience blooms, kneeling at his side. His Stand is different today, too, eyes locked on Giorno rather than looking out at the room, even Jolie.]

[He watches carefully, gauging the subtle nuances of interplay between Giorno and his Stand, and particularly so with Star Platinum in such close proximity.

...Maybe that's one place to start, and so, at a silent direction from Jotaro, Star slides a hand free and reaches for one of Gold Experience's.]

[That one, at least, seems to be easy. As soon as Star's hand gets close enough, Gold Experience's closes the distance between them with an almost audible snap, quick as a striking snake. His grip is tight; Giorno's shoulders relax visibly at the phantom pressure, and he watches curiously out of the corner of his eye as he continues his work.]

[The speed is surprising, more from the unexpectedness of it than the velocity of the reach itself; one second Star's hand is free and the next Gold Experience is just there, and when contact is made, Giorno...relaxes.

...

Because Star Platinum is safe, isn't that right?

Spurred on by curiosity, he quietly directs Star again, this time with a quick laundry list of the Six Important Things (Kakyoin, Mom, pudding, Giorno, fish, Grandpa), bleeding easily into the urge to beam his feelings at Gold Experience.

And Star does, his face breaking into a wide and merry smile that he turns toward Gold Experience as best he can, without mussing Giorno's handiwork too much by it.]

[Gold Experience doesn't seem to react very much. He was still staring at Giorno rather than Star, even after his own movement, focused and fervent and unblinking; when Star turns his smile on him, he lifts his head and meets his eyes without any significant change in expression.]

[But Giorno flinches. Jotaro said something about . . . being knocked over. This isn't that, it's more like - the sensation of being in the center of a frantic swarm of insects. But it's more than he's ever felt from Gold Experience at once before, except with Holly at Christmas.]

[What is it? It's a good thing and a bad thing - love, gratitude, a muted recognition of the fact that it's good to see Star smiling. Some of that might be his own, too; he isn't sure. But the terror underneath, the staystaystaypleasestay, that's not his, because he knows neither of them are going anywhere.]

. . . I don't know how to explain what just happened very well.

[Which is not to say that he won't try, of course. He clears his throat and resumes the third braid, his knuckles brushing deliberately against Star's cheek for a touchstone.]

Fear . . . not of him or you, but of . . . absence. If that makes any sense.

That's what it is, huh...

[Watching this little scene unfold is unusual and fascinating. It occurs to him that this is probably what it's like for other people, watching the way he interacts with Star, but naturally he's a fundamental player in that and therefore can never notice the goings-on of their interplay the way that an outside party would. So it's different, and easily captures his attention, watching what they do and taking in Giorno's feedback, trying to fit it all together into explanations that make sense.]

You feel safe around Star. He feels...a need to be safe, and then a fear of not being. He's volatile, he gets agitated about things you try to hold firm on. He brings you help when you can't ask for it.

He feels your feelings before logic gets to them. He's...irrational. Not necessarily wrong, either, just...raw. Before rationality ever shapes any of it.

. . . That's horrible.

[For the first time he really looks at his Stand and thinks what it must be like to feel that, all that too much all the time, and not be able to control it. It sounds like hell to him, and he feels a stab of - not quite pity, but something close.]

[Carefully, he finishes the third braid and lets it fall, leans back against Star's chest again and reaches out to cup his Stand's cold cheek. He's always looked so much like an insect, which made him seem detached, but now that he's paying attention, he can feel the fear there.]

I always thought he came to me for warmth. That that was why he always wanted to have an arm around me if he could. But . . . when I get angry, it seems like that makes him open up and not be able to shut down again. That's why I said volatile.

It's only a guess. I might be wrong.

[Meanwhile, evidently intrigued, Star blows a puff of air at the braids where they're hanging, making them swing away from his face and back again. The little jolt of pleasure that follows suggests that he's found them to his liking, at least.]

Everything I know about Star, I've had to learn through trial and error. Taking guesses and testing them out. So it might be something else, something only you can figure out.

...When he feels angry, does it feel like he's going to get away from you? Out of control?

It's a little hard to say. I'm not sure how much is genuine danger and how much is just my own fear of something bad happening. But he's never disobeyed me directly, at least.

Maybe it's more like . . . it feels like permission? Or that it's easier for me to . . . be angry myself. I don't know.

[He lets go of Gold Experience and gets back to the business of braiding, which has a lot of finger-combing involved by the simple necessity of how much goddamn hair he's got. Gold Experience seems to hesitate, then leans carefully against Star's shoulder.]

Is it easy for you to tell what's Star's and what's yours?

...Sometimes. I usually have a pretty good idea of what I'm feeling about something. Things that Star feels are different, so it's like they come from somewhere else. And he's always stronger, like he doesn't have a filter. Not in a bad way, but like...looking at a bright light through sunglasses, versus looking into it directly. So when things are too bright, they're usually Star.

[That's a little poetic, almost. He reaches into the bath and gives Jolie a little push, rolling her over onto her side and making her wriggle in the water.]

There was one time I remember, when I fought N'doul — that guy with the cane, in the desert. That was when Star got me, and not the other way around. I didn't move, but he screamed for me.

I know what I feel about things, but I sometimes . . . make myself feel it less. So maybe that muddies the waters a little. - You're a good boy.

[This to Star, a verbal touchstone, as he moves onto the next braid, cocking his head sideways to listen to Jolie splashing around.]

He moves for you - to protect you like that. Gold Experience doesn't do that so much, not in the same way.

Does she like it?

Mm, that's a perfect example of a thing that feels different. What you did right there. Star likes the praise, I'm indifferent, so what I feel...I know that's Star.

[An explanation that appears to come echoed by a soft ora of approval from above Giorno.]

Jolie? Seems that way. She's damp all the way now and it doesn't seem to bother her.

You're indifferent to that . . .

[But he's not indifferent to Jolie, that's for sure. And Giorno isn't, either, but Gold Experience might be?]

[He crawls over to the tub, then, tugging Star along with him until he's leaning over the edge, and takes his hand, pointing it at Jolie.]

See how she's having fun?

[Oh, well. We're going over here then, zoom and godspeed.

...And there's a visible change in Star as Jolie comes into view, too, where all of a sudden he's fixated as intently on the wet furry cat noodle in the tub as he once had been on a red and green fish swimming tight circles in a thermos on the beach; his interest is palpable and his response is instantaneous, nodding vigorously in response to Giorno's question before deciding that's not enough and following up with a quiet spoken affirmation on top of it.]

Ora...

Good boy.

[Giorno's visibly pleased, smiling bright and leaning his head back to watch Star from upside down; Gold Experience, who's stayed still and wrapped his arms around his knees, is openly curious, and the two emotions bounce back and forth between them as they both watch Star watching Jolie. Giorno pushes the braids back behind Star's ear and pats him on the cheek again.]

Ora. Do you like that she's having fun, stellino?

[Star looks again, or rather continues looking with his full attention after momentarily dividing it when Giorno had touched his face; Jolie has resigned herself by now to the present state of Being Damp All Over, and in scrabbling around the tub she's learning the magic of wet smooth tile under little feet. Sliding gives her something to do, not precisely swimming but at the very least scooting around while the water flows with her, and Star takes all of this in and —]

...Ah —

[And the first reaction to break the stillness actually comes from Jotaro, a little more audible than a sigh but close to it in character; Star's delight is starting to blaze and he can feel it, and where normally he might swallow back the little twinges of it on instinct, right now they're exploring and experimenting, so he frees them instead.]

He's happy. Not just one thing...the kind of happy that comes from a lot of things, all at once.

Really?

[It's like an echo chamber of joy in here - he could sort of feel it, Star's joy, in the moment before now, and it doesn't feel like the lightening in the air when a person's happy but it's similar, the way wonder morphs into delight, but Jotaro's is viciously familiar, and those two together fill him to the brim with happiness. He leans his head on Star's shoulder and then presses his face against it, hiding a grin, and then nudges just a little with his elbow.]

You should pet her, Star. If you want to. But you have to be gentle, remember.

[Behind him, unseen, Gold Experience lifts his head just a little.]

Yeah. It's her, and you, and me. This. All of it, this makes him happy.

[And for a moment he honestly stops to wonder, is this all Star? It's easy to attribute it all to him but it's not as though these aren't all things that inspire emotion in himself, too, and Star takes his cues from him — so, is it all his Stand? Or is Star in some ways like a magnifying glass, using him as a reference and a benchmark, and simply echoing back his own feelings exponentially?

It wasn't so long ago that he'd been the one with his back to a wall, slumped down with Star's arms wrapped protectively around him, searching himself for the memory of what happiness felt like and only coming up with dull hollow nothing.

Here he is now, feeling it so much that he can't tell who it's coming from.]

...I'm happy, too.

[And Star, finding Giorno's suggestion to his liking, reaches carefully into the tub with his massive hand, one finger heading for her damp and slicked-back fur, and when he does touch her it's very gentle, very light, and follows the line of her back all the way down to her long ropy tail. Jolie doesn't seem to recognize the different between Stand and flesh, but Jotaro's fingers twitch slightly at the distant sensation of smooth and wet and soft, and Star casts a wide-eyed look at Giorno in an attempt to telegraph his awe.]

[I'm happy too, Jotaro says, this boy who somewhere along the way became one of his most important people, the touchstone of his second famiglia, his most trusted friend. Jotaro who a few months ago wouldn't have said anything about himself like this, much less that he was happy - so simple, just that - and a few months ago would never have looked so soft, been so willing to let go.]

[It makes him buzz with pride. Look at him go, look how hard he's working, Jotaro Kujo who never stops trying, who won't get in the way of his own happiness anymore.]

[When Star looks at him again, it's absolutely, positively too much to contain. His eyes go bright, half with excitement and half with tears, and he can't keep himself from wrapping his arms around Star's neck and kissing him on the cheek.]

Ti voglio bene, stellino.

[Half-hiding his face against Star's, he grins (while Gold Experience slowly relaxes, settling into a boneless lounge against the wall.]

I'm happy, too. Ti voglio bene, Jotaro.

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