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ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ
buongiorno! sorry i missed you; i'll happily get back to you as soon as i'm done with whatever business i'm on. leave a message!
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buongiorno! sorry i missed you; i'll happily get back to you as soon as i'm done with whatever business i'm on. leave a message!
( text | voice | video )
⇦ ● ⇨
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[Hmm. The phantom sensation of fingers in his hair is strange, but weirdly distracting, and makes it easy to lose his train of thought for a moment.]
...I think he's the type to surprise you, at a time you need it the most.
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[It's easier now to look up at Star and listen to Jotaro. It's the same thing in the end, isn't it? That's what Kakyoin would say. His other hand comes up to pat Star lightly on the cheek.]
I liked it better when I thought I knew everything about myself. About him, too.
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[He closes his eyes, despite himself, tilting his head a little in response to the phantom touch ghosting against his cheek.]
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[It seems so obvious to him. His voice comes quiet, so quiet, as if on some unconscious instinct he only speaks loud enough for Star to hear him, assuming that Jotaro will hear it through him.]
Things that can be used against me can be used against them. You, too.
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[He glances up, head tilted slightly to one side, his hand suspended a foot or so from the bottom of the tub where Jolie can still push her head against it as she pleases.]
I don't understand. Using Gold Experience against us?
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[He glances towards Jotaro again, slows the carding of his fingers through Star's hair.]
If there are things he wants, or people he likes, he can be manipulated. Just like me.
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[...Well, that's entirely Giorno's point, isn't it? If he doesn't know...]
...You don't know if he can or not.
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[He huffs out a sigh and snuggles back against Star's chest, occupying both hands in braiding a strand of hair.]
He's been agitated since - I don't like letting him out in Mista's room now, even when he's not fully there I can feel him, it's like - a buzzing. Angry wasps.
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[Hmm. It's strange; he's so used to being the biggest novice when it comes to Stand use (and who wouldn't, next to someone like Kakyoin), it never really occurred to him that a relationship similar to the one he has with Star might be unusual for someone else to experience, or begin to experience.
But they're all different, aren't they? Hierophant isn't like this, and...]
When Star is happy, it feels like it could knock me over. But he can only do what...I guess, what I give him the space to. Like...if I were to force him to let me get hurt, he would have to, but if I give him the space he'll try to defend me. He can't break through the boundaries that I give him.
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[He draws his lip between his teeth, gnaws lightly. Maybe just saying exactly what happened would be better.]
That thing that happened before, with the flower. It was when we were hanging mistletoe. So it could have been a mimic, but it felt like - that feeling you get when you know there's something you have to do but you don't know how. And when H-- when your mother gave him something, there was something, too. Positive.
The anger is the strongest, though.
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[...]
When you think of Gold Experience, what he is in relation to you. How do you...if you had to put a word on how you treat him, what he is to you, what would it be?
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[Without meaning to or even realizing he's doing it, he draws his hand down until the side of his thumb brushes against his lips. The skin is a little ragged; he feels it with his teeth when they dig in again.]
[Gold Experience likes Kakyoin. Gold Experience loves Izabel. Gold Experience wants to please people, at least that's what it seems like. Gold Experience loves Mista best of all. Gold Experience gets angry fast, just like he does. Gold Experience is his second backbone.]
[All that put together. What does it mean?]
One word . . . ?
I don't really know, Jotaro. Maybe . . . volatile. I think I might try not to think about it much.
[Like he doesn't want to know.]
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My grandfather's Stand is...vines. That's it, just vines. It's not humanoid, it doesn't have a personality. I think if he had to describe it, he'd consider it something like a tool, or a magic trick. An object, a thing.
Kakyoin...he and Hierophant are inseparable, to him. Hierophant is an extension of himself; that's why people who can only see Kakyoin can't possibly see everything. Because to Kakyoin, Hierophant...is like another limb. Not a different thing. A piece of him.
When I met Star...I thought he was possessing me. Some completely different thing, entirely separate from me. Even now, knowing he's a part of me...I can't shake that original feeling, that he's separate. Because I remember a time when he wasn't "me", and adding him to "me" doesn't make me feel like I've changed any. Star is...like having a pet, almost, is the only way I can think of to describe it. "Mine" more than "me".
I think...maybe what Gold Experience is, maybe you were on to it before. He's "something that could be used against you". I think...if you can decide what he is to you, understanding the things you experience through him will be easier.
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I never knew anyone who thought of their Stand as anything other than a tool before Mista. And he treated them like - like children.
[He misses them. He misses them. Izabel will miss them, too. He wants them back. He knocks his head against Star's jaw again, more weakly this time.]
He's mine. He never was before, but he is now. I don't know what he was before.
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[Despite himself, he pulls a wet hand out of the bath and swipes the back along his jaw, smoothing away the phantom sensation.]
It's okay if you don't, it's just another thing to think about.
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[Wait. That's not right, is it. He lowers his eyes, frowns sharply.]
Earlier this month, when I - you know. I was upset and I needed help but I couldn't say so, and he brought Kakyoin to me.
[He protects Kakyoin, too, but that wasn't the question.]
Did I - hurt you?
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[This, though. This is new, and different, and maybe very telling; his interest piques visibly.]
He brought Kakyoin to help you?
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[Carefully, experimentally, he goes back to braiding, finishes the first one and lets it fall against Star's cheek before moving on to the next.]
I couldn't speak. He wouldn't either, because we're not supposed to scare Kakyoin, but he pulled him close.
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[This is...different. Fascinating. And moreover, Giorno is talking and relaxing against Star, and those are all important things too.]
Are you okay with bringing him out? If I try something, to see what you get back from it?
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[Shifting a little, he finishes the second braid at the same time Gold Experience blooms, kneeling at his side. His Stand is different today, too, eyes locked on Giorno rather than looking out at the room, even Jolie.]
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...Maybe that's one place to start, and so, at a silent direction from Jotaro, Star slides a hand free and reaches for one of Gold Experience's.]
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...
Because Star Platinum is safe, isn't that right?
Spurred on by curiosity, he quietly directs Star again, this time with a quick laundry list of the Six Important Things (Kakyoin, Mom, pudding, Giorno, fish, Grandpa), bleeding easily into the urge to beam his feelings at Gold Experience.
And Star does, his face breaking into a wide and merry smile that he turns toward Gold Experience as best he can, without mussing Giorno's handiwork too much by it.]
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[But Giorno flinches. Jotaro said something about . . . being knocked over. This isn't that, it's more like - the sensation of being in the center of a frantic swarm of insects. But it's more than he's ever felt from Gold Experience at once before, except with Holly at Christmas.]
[What is it? It's a good thing and a bad thing - love, gratitude, a muted recognition of the fact that it's good to see Star smiling. Some of that might be his own, too; he isn't sure. But the terror underneath, the staystaystaypleasestay, that's not his, because he knows neither of them are going anywhere.]
. . . I don't know how to explain what just happened very well.
[Which is not to say that he won't try, of course. He clears his throat and resumes the third braid, his knuckles brushing deliberately against Star's cheek for a touchstone.]
Fear . . . not of him or you, but of . . . absence. If that makes any sense.
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[Watching this little scene unfold is unusual and fascinating. It occurs to him that this is probably what it's like for other people, watching the way he interacts with Star, but naturally he's a fundamental player in that and therefore can never notice the goings-on of their interplay the way that an outside party would. So it's different, and easily captures his attention, watching what they do and taking in Giorno's feedback, trying to fit it all together into explanations that make sense.]
You feel safe around Star. He feels...a need to be safe, and then a fear of not being. He's volatile, he gets agitated about things you try to hold firm on. He brings you help when you can't ask for it.
He feels your feelings before logic gets to them. He's...irrational. Not necessarily wrong, either, just...raw. Before rationality ever shapes any of it.
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