ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅱ

[digiorno]

buongiorno! sorry i missed you; i'll happily get back to you as soon as i'm done with whatever business i'm on. leave a message!

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Comments

[digiorno]

Mio fratello sta imparando nuove cose oggi.

[starmark]

Non voglio chiamarlo una ragazza ma voglio dirgli che fa una ragazza calda.

Come diavolo faccio a farlo?

[digiorno]

Digli che sembra potente. Egli prende qualcosa la maggior parte degli uomini temono e egli fa sembrare pericoloso.

[starmark]

I told him he looked like he owned whoever he decided to look at.

[digiorno]

Ah. That was a good thing to say.

[starmark]

what did you mean, "learning new things"?

[digiorno]

. . . I didn't realize that was an unclear statement.

[starmark]

i don't feel like i learned anything

i just feel confused.

[digiorno]

[Someone pay him for this—]

You said it felt weird but not bad weird, which probably just means it was new but you liked it. So you learned something that you like.

[starmark]

...

is that what wearing a dress for the first time feels like?

new and weird but not bad?

[digiorno]

Well, you'd have to ask Kakyoin about what it felt like to him. But that's exactly what it felt like to me.

[starmark]

hmmm

...okay i need to ask one other thing but don't give me a hard time about it okay



so it's pretty normal to...i guess it's like, warming up to something new? it's pretty normal to do that slowly. or to feel weird about it at first. that's normal?

[digiorno]

Well.

If you're not me, probably, yes.

[starmark]

we can't all be you, mio fratellino

[digiorno]

I know!!! That's why I qualified!

But I mean

. . .

I think maybe

the way you react is more

I don't know, "normal", maybe.

[starmark]

..."Average".

If most people do it more like me, then mathematically it's average.

Which makes you an outlier. Extraordinary.

[digiorno]

You can't have it both ways, you know. You can't correct me when I say it's weird and then still treat it like it's a weird thing when I actually do it.

[starmark]

I know.

...Still. I have to start somewhere, when it comes to not treating it as weird. I want to try.

[digiorno]

I know you do. You want to make Kakyoin feel safe and happy. If I wasn't sure of that I wouldn't be bothering.

So tell me how I can help. For the most part I'd rather you ask me than him. I'm not as



if I say fragile he'll know somehow and find me, so pick another adjective.

[starmark]

Okay. ...Grazie, fratellino mio.

...I feel like I know Kakyoin better than anyone. But I didn't know this about him. And it seems like it doesn't line up with what I do know.

He doesn't want to be treated like a girl. He doesn't like being mistaken for one. Why would he want to wear something that makes him look more like one?

But.

I think he looks good when he looks more like a girl. In his dress. I don't want him to be one or anything, I just...liked looking at him like that. He's just as good-looking no matter what he's wearing. But when he's in a dress it's a different kind of good-looking. Because...because he looks different in one. He's good-looking in girl clothes and in guy clothes.

But when he was wearing the dress I sort of...wanted to treat him differently? Not in a bad way. It felt like if he was pretending to be a girl then I wanted to play along and treat him more like one. Or something. But wouldn't he hate that? It feels like he would hate that.

So I'm just...confused.

[digiorno]

You're talking like it's all one big thing, but it's not. It's a lot of things that are connected, but not the same. Here, let me—

- Kakyoin isn't a girl, and he doesn't want to be
- Kakyoin likes wearing clothes that you think are "girl clothes"
- You think he looks good when he looks "more like a girl"
- You want to treat him differently when he's in the dress
- You don't know if he would be all right with that, and you're assuming he'd hate it

Which, I might add, you'd be annoyed if he did. Making assumptions like that. But anyway.

Where are we starting?

[starmark]

I guess maybe let's start with me.

I think probably a lot of the confusion is me anyway, because Kakyoin didn't seem confused. So working on me seems like the right place to start.

[digiorno]

I think you're right. Although I do want to say, he was a little confused at first. I don't think he'd mind me telling you. He had to think about it for a while, and then there were things he definitely didn't want the dress to look like. So it's not as though it was just effortless for him.

It was for me, but like I said, that's not normal. And I didn't have anyone to impress at the time but myself.

So, you. You think he looks good in the dress. Putting aside the rest of it for now, what about that by itself bothers you?

[starmark]

...

It feels like insulting him, sort of. Just hear me out, I'm just trying to put down what it feels like whether or not it makes sense.

It feels like it comes too close to saying "I like you better like that", which makes it sound like there's something wrong with him as he is in general. Or I'm afraid he'll hear it that way.

But if I didn't have to be so careful about all of that, then what I would say is that he looks like a really good-looking girl. Like the ones you see in magazines. Not dirty ones, just regular ones. Or like the ones in movies, the heroines.

I guess for me it's...wearing a dress makes him look more like a girl. So he looks good, but...in a girl-like way? Because I can't say he looks like a tough rugged guy, because he doesn't. He looks the way that really attractive girls in magazines do. That type of good.

...I guess I'm afraid of just saying what it makes me think because if it comes out wrong, it'll make him feel bad. And I don't want that.

[digiorno]

You disaster.

Here's my hypothesis.

Normally, you look at Kakyoin and you are very careful to put him in the category of "boy", because you know that's what he wants to be seen as. Therefore, it doesn't surprise you as much that he could kick your ass ten times before you blinked, because that's a thing you expect that boys can do.

When Kakyoin is wearing a dress, you look at him and his clothes make you think "girl". You don't expect girls to be able to totally eviscerate you, but you know Kakyoin can, so a few wires get crossed and you're confused, but you still think he looks good, because he does. And the fact that those wires get crossed make you much more aware of the contrast, that he's very beautiful but also very dangerous, and so you trip over yourself. Because on some level you want to treat him like something beautiful and fragile and have him prove you wrong. But you don't know how to articulate that, because you're a teenage boy and therefore a mess.

And also legitimately concerned about saying something asinine. But mostly just a mess.