He left behind a note. I don't know why it didn't matter if he did or not.
[There's a long pause between the messages. He just woke up an hour ago and now that he's alone the weight of everything that happened is finally hitting him.]
[Which is true. He runs the whole way, arrives breathless. He has a key but he knocks all the same, waiting to be let in, because if he knows anything about Dio he knows he'll need it.]
[His fingers hover over the keys I love you too, but instead he stares down at an empty message box. As he sits on the couch, legs pulled up to his chest and still rumpled from sleep he feels uncharacteristically lost. Everything is coming back now at full force, having pushed down any rising feelings of discomfort and agitation during his time spent with Polnareff.
He doesn't know what to do and he admits to himself that he can't trust himself to be alone.
When he hears the knock at the door he realizes he's been staring at the watch the entire time. His heart skips a beat hearing Giorno's voice and for a breath moment just leaving the couch feels like a herculean effort all on its own - but he does it to open the door for him.
His stomach is in knots and his throat is tight. Dio looks up at him.]
[That, first and foremost. I messed up changes things, he knows, they both know, but it doesn't change everything. He still loves Dio more than anything. He will still protect Dio if that's what it comes down to. Dio is his famiglia.]
[He keeps his hands at his sides, but it's an effort.]
No matter what, I'm here, Dio. Please believe that.
I would very much like to hold you if I can. But if not, I understand.
[He nods slowly, eyes falling to the floor. It was hard to bring the words out as he bites down on his lower lip to stop it from trembling. Instead of saying anything he takes a small step forward to lean against Giorno, a silent acceptance to Giorno's questioning offer.
His shoulders are stiff, not from the contact, but from keeping himself from breaking down into some even sadder state. He speaks again and his voice is quiet.]
He knows. He knows and it's because I messed up, I- [A choke.] He knows and I don't know what to do.
[Dio is there, is close, and in some ways that's the most comfort he could get for himself, too. Dio leaning against him means that it's still true, that even when he feels the worst Dio still takes comfort in this particular brand of physical affection.]
[It makes Giorno's heart ache, and he wraps his arms around Dio right away, holding him close and kissing the top of his head, eyes closed just for a moment as he reassures himself that Dio is here, safe, at least on the outside.]
[He wants to disappear. It's not the first time he's felt something similar, but it is the first time it's hit him with such an intensity that it has him wanting to pull himself into nothing. Right now he regrets letting himself feel this much, thinking maybe he'd be happier if he didn't let himself hurt like this. If he kept everything locked away and pushed down...
But Giorno is here and telling him it's alright, a physical reminder that he isn't alone as his chest pulls itself apart in fear-fueled anxiety.
His fingers curl into the edges of Giorno's shirt and he takes in a shuddering breath.] He knows about the World... he saw him and he- [He swallows thickly, voice breaking at the end.] It was my fault. I didn't mean to, but I...
[It's like all his blood turns to ice in that moment. He knew it was a possibility, he knew, but he was hoping . . . and planning, but hoping all the same. It was foolish. He shouldn't have wasted his energy thinking anything but the worst would happen.]
No, no.
[Low, murmured; he brushes another kiss against the top of Dio's head.]
You didn't do anything wrong. I know he frightens you, and that's what Stands do: they protect us. It was bound to happen eventually.
Come on, Dio, let's go inside. We'll figure this out.
[He wants to say something else, but his mind is a jumbled mess that he can't even begin to sort out right now. Everything feels like a mountain to climb and even the thought of carrying on a decent conversation seems like too much.
He pushes down the urge to just let everything down and the tears that would follow - if he gives in now then it'd just prove how weak he was. He needs to be better than this. Even if Giorno has already seen him at his worst it didn't mean he had to keep seeing him in such a pathetic state.
Giorno leads the way back inside and Dio keeps himself close, not yet letting go of him. When the door closes he closes his eyes and lets his head fall forward.]
[He never had anyone teach him to soothe. His mother didn't; everything he picked up was from Bruno, the low, neutral muttering that exudes calm. The part that's instinct is keeping Dio physically close, and that feels vital. He keeps his arm around Dio's shoulders even as he double-checks the locks on the door despite himself.]
[Then he reaches out and brushes the hair off Dio's forehead and pulls him over to the couch, tugging him down to sit close. Dio's pride be damned, they're going to cuddle now whether he likes it or not.]
Do you want to be somewhere not in this apartment? I'll find somewhere else for you. I'll burn this place to the ground for you if you want me to.
Does it even matter? [He brings his legs up to his chest, curling under Giorno's arm as they settle on the couch. His hands are clenched tightly under folded arms, nails digging into his palms. The stinging keeps him just a little bit grounded, he feels.] I'm tired of... of hiding. Where do I go when there isn't any place left for me?
[In the end that's what will happen, won't it? He'll be on his own to protect himself, or try to, and it feels like nothing has changed from back home. It's always been him surviving any way he can and...
A stray tear escapes and slides down his cheek. Frustrated, he wipes it away with his palm. The angry red crescents left behind by his nails stark against his skin.] He could have killed me... he came so close and I- I know it. I could feel it- [He has to stop when he feels his voice breaking.]
God- I'm trying! I- I want to be better than... than this.
[He takes Dio's face in his hands, kisses his forehead, pulls him close again.]
You're doing so well, do you even realize how well? Always pushing yourself, better every day. But you're only human, you know. That's part of what makes you beautiful. Humans have weaknesses, and they always will, but the best part of being human is that you will never be alone.
[He taps Dio's chest, then his own.]
Your heart lives with me, and my heart lives with you. No matter what, you have a place with me. Do you hear what I'm saying? You are my family. You can be a Brando or not, but you are a Giovanna until you decide you don't want to be.
[This became so fierce, somehow; but then he softens and rests his cheek on top of Dio's head.]
I see you try. I see you try with every breath you take. Even if no one else sees, I see, I know.
[He hears that name and it's enough to bring him to more tears. They spill down his cheeks and hit Giorno's fingers in fat drops. It wasn't something he expected to hear, but hearing it like this was almost overwhelming. Moments like this were concrete proof of Giorno's love and even if it hurt it was a kind of hurt Dio didn't mind experiencing.] Better than... better than what they know me as. I'm not a monster.
[Giorno meant so much to him now that it was impossible to put it into words.
He hiccups quietly, listening to Giorno as he speaks and tries to take in everything he says. By now he's stopped trying to rub his cheeks, knowing he'll look like a mess no matter what he does.
Resting his head against Giorno's chest he can faintly hear his heartbeat. It's oddly calming. He sniffs waterly, voice just a little cracked.]
Don't... Don't you mean famigilia? [Even through a small panic attack he still chooses to be smart.]
[He reaches out to play with one of the buttons on Giorno's shirt, tugging at the loose thread ends. His pout deepens.]
I'm a perfectly good size for my age, I'll have you know. [More fidgeting.] Soon I'll be taller than everyone, including you, and then you can see how much you like being carted around like a sack of potatoes.
[Each kiss spreads a warmth through him, like the sun touching his skin for the first time. He turns his head to look up at Giorno, lips pulling into a pout.] Well now you just sound patronizing. I am definitely not kind.
My reputation is secure, thank you. Lots of people in the city find me intimidating and I hardly have to lift a finger for that. [He sticks out his tongue.]
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He left behind a note. I don't know why it didn't matter if he did or not.
[There's a long pause between the messages. He just woke up an hour ago and now that he's alone the weight of everything that happened is finally hitting him.]
Can I see you?
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Please.
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[Which is true. He runs the whole way, arrives breathless. He has a key but he knocks all the same, waiting to be let in, because if he knows anything about Dio he knows he'll need it.]
It's me. It's Giorno.
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He doesn't know what to do and he admits to himself that he can't trust himself to be alone.
When he hears the knock at the door he realizes he's been staring at the watch the entire time. His heart skips a beat hearing Giorno's voice and for a breath moment just leaving the couch feels like a herculean effort all on its own - but he does it to open the door for him.
His stomach is in knots and his throat is tight. Dio looks up at him.]
I messed up.
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[That, first and foremost. I messed up changes things, he knows, they both know, but it doesn't change everything. He still loves Dio more than anything. He will still protect Dio if that's what it comes down to. Dio is his famiglia.]
[He keeps his hands at his sides, but it's an effort.]
No matter what, I'm here, Dio. Please believe that.
I would very much like to hold you if I can. But if not, I understand.
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His shoulders are stiff, not from the contact, but from keeping himself from breaking down into some even sadder state. He speaks again and his voice is quiet.]
He knows. He knows and it's because I messed up, I- [A choke.] He knows and I don't know what to do.
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[It makes Giorno's heart ache, and he wraps his arms around Dio right away, holding him close and kissing the top of his head, eyes closed just for a moment as he reassures himself that Dio is here, safe, at least on the outside.]
Tell me what he knows, passerotto.
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But Giorno is here and telling him it's alright, a physical reminder that he isn't alone as his chest pulls itself apart in fear-fueled anxiety.
His fingers curl into the edges of Giorno's shirt and he takes in a shuddering breath.] He knows about the World... he saw him and he- [He swallows thickly, voice breaking at the end.] It was my fault. I didn't mean to, but I...
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[It's like all his blood turns to ice in that moment. He knew it was a possibility, he knew, but he was hoping . . . and planning, but hoping all the same. It was foolish. He shouldn't have wasted his energy thinking anything but the worst would happen.]
No, no.
[Low, murmured; he brushes another kiss against the top of Dio's head.]
You didn't do anything wrong. I know he frightens you, and that's what Stands do: they protect us. It was bound to happen eventually.
Come on, Dio, let's go inside. We'll figure this out.
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He pushes down the urge to just let everything down and the tears that would follow - if he gives in now then it'd just prove how weak he was. He needs to be better than this. Even if Giorno has already seen him at his worst it didn't mean he had to keep seeing him in such a pathetic state.
Giorno leads the way back inside and Dio keeps himself close, not yet letting go of him. When the door closes he closes his eyes and lets his head fall forward.]
I wish I could leave.
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[He never had anyone teach him to soothe. His mother didn't; everything he picked up was from Bruno, the low, neutral muttering that exudes calm. The part that's instinct is keeping Dio physically close, and that feels vital. He keeps his arm around Dio's shoulders even as he double-checks the locks on the door despite himself.]
[Then he reaches out and brushes the hair off Dio's forehead and pulls him over to the couch, tugging him down to sit close. Dio's pride be damned, they're going to cuddle now whether he likes it or not.]
Do you want to be somewhere not in this apartment? I'll find somewhere else for you. I'll burn this place to the ground for you if you want me to.
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[In the end that's what will happen, won't it? He'll be on his own to protect himself, or try to, and it feels like nothing has changed from back home. It's always been him surviving any way he can and...
A stray tear escapes and slides down his cheek. Frustrated, he wipes it away with his palm. The angry red crescents left behind by his nails stark against his skin.] He could have killed me... he came so close and I- I know it. I could feel it- [He has to stop when he feels his voice breaking.]
God- I'm trying! I- I want to be better than... than this.
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[He takes Dio's face in his hands, kisses his forehead, pulls him close again.]
You're doing so well, do you even realize how well? Always pushing yourself, better every day. But you're only human, you know. That's part of what makes you beautiful. Humans have weaknesses, and they always will, but the best part of being human is that you will never be alone.
[He taps Dio's chest, then his own.]
Your heart lives with me, and my heart lives with you. No matter what, you have a place with me. Do you hear what I'm saying? You are my family. You can be a Brando or not, but you are a Giovanna until you decide you don't want to be.
[This became so fierce, somehow; but then he softens and rests his cheek on top of Dio's head.]
I see you try. I see you try with every breath you take. Even if no one else sees, I see, I know.
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[Giorno meant so much to him now that it was impossible to put it into words.
He hiccups quietly, listening to Giorno as he speaks and tries to take in everything he says. By now he's stopped trying to rub his cheeks, knowing he'll look like a mess no matter what he does.
Resting his head against Giorno's chest he can faintly hear his heartbeat. It's oddly calming. He sniffs waterly, voice just a little cracked.]
Don't... Don't you mean famigilia? [Even through a small panic attack he still chooses to be smart.]
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[He can't help but grin at that, ruffling Dio's hair and kissing him on the forehead.]
You're right. You're my famiglia. My favorite little terror.
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I'm not little.
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[He rests his chin on Dio's forehead.]
But you wouldn't like it, I bet. I wouldn't do it if you wouldn't like it.
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I'm a perfectly good size for my age, I'll have you know. [More fidgeting.] Soon I'll be taller than everyone, including you, and then you can see how much you like being carted around like a sack of potatoes.
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[He grins, kissing Dio on the top of his head again.]
It'd be nice not to have to walk anywhere anymore. Thank you, Inizio, you're too kind.
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[He taps the tip of Dio's nose.]
Maybe you're ruining your own reputation, hm?
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My reputation is secure, thank you. Lots of people in the city find me intimidating and I hardly have to lift a finger for that. [He sticks out his tongue.]
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[He sticks out his tongue right back. What now.]
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