digiorno | ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

That sounds like him.

[But it was fond, not exasperated, because for all that Polnareff was annoying sometimes, it really did sound as though he'd sobered a lot since Kakyoin knew him. And that was sort of sad, honestly, because it tasted like survivor's guilt more than growing up, and - well. That wasn't what they were talking about, though.]

[He leaned forward a little bit across the table, grinning.]

I didn't, either. Because I was fifteen at the time, and Mista forgot. He was yelling at me to drive better. I had to remind him while he was fighting a Stand user following us that I couldn't drive because I was fifteen.

[Kakyoin broke out into a quiet but very genuine laugh, hurriedly hiding it behind his hand.]

Mista's a little more infuriating than Polnareff ever was, but I've noticed they're very similar in a way. That's exactly the kind of thing he might have done in any other circumstances.

[Strangely, he found himself recalling Death Thirteen again, but in a context lacking the sheer mortal terror of the incident. He never really did get Polnareff back for making Kakyoin want to throttle him, but he supposed it kind of evened itself out in the end.]

...He's a good person, but he drove us all insane more than a few times.

Edited 2015-11-01 21:43 (UTC)

[Okay, so making Kakyoin laugh was vaulting quickly to the top of his important-things-to-do-regularly list. He sat back in his seat, satisfied, and nodded, understanding completely.]

There's always got to be one of those, right? Someone to be ridiculous and drive everyone crazy in the little ways, so they don't lose it in the big ways.

I don't know, though, it was very . . . I did need him from the start. I don't think I would be who I am now without him.

[So there's that decision made, it seems; he looked at Kakyoin carefully, still smiling, but softer.]

Would it be all right if I told you something? It's not a big life-changing secret or anything, I just think it might be the right thing to do, to tell you.

No, I absolutely know what you mean. Polnareff is my closest friend after Jotaro, and frankly I could probably stand the troublesome influence once in a while.

['I need to lighten up', in other words.]

Of course, you can tell me whatever you need to. I'm listening.

I know you are.

[Because of course he was. Wasn't Kakyoin always listening to everyone but himself?]

[And now that he'd decided to do it, it didn't seem all that scary. He balanced the emerald ladybug between his first fingers, marveling at the details of it, the slight depressions that indicated spots and the slender demarcations of its legs.]

Since we were talking about names earlier, I thought you might be the best person to know - I'm not actually Italian. At all. The name I was given at birth was Shiobana Haruno. But when we moved to Italy so my mother could get married, my stepfather thought it should be changed, so it was.

I've never actually told anyone since I was . . . five? It was easier to pretend I belonged. But it was a lot to adjust to, on top of everything else.

...

[That was something he hadn't seen coming. Obviously, predicting that was impossible--even so, Kakyoin felt just a little guilty for having blindly mentioned changing one's name at all.]

It's a nice name--they both are, honestly. [Choosing his words very carefully, Kakyoin's restless hands lightly wrapped around his cup of coffee again--with a faint green glow still hidden under the sleeve of his jacket.] As I said...I understand the significance of a name no matter what it might be or how it could change.

[A pause...Kakyoin took a breath and looked up, facing Giorno steadily and with calm confidence.]

'Kakyoin Tenmei.' That's the name my parents gave me--only a few people here know that. I tell them I just don't like the way it sounded. Which I don't, but it's more than that. Either way, it's not really the same situation, considering I changed mine by choice.

But as long as we're exchanging names, it's only fair for you to have mine, too.

[Ah.]

[He looked up at that, smiling again, curious but not invasively so, just very willing to hear whatever Kakyoin is willing to tell him. It was a good thing to know, even if he never used or heard the name Tenmei again - a part of Kakyoin's history, even if it was one that he'd rejected.]

Part of the importance of Don Giovanna to me is . . . that it's mine. All mine. Something that I made and took for myself.

You do still prefer your surname?

I understand--'Noriaki' is something I needed when I was younger. Something I crafted and built on my own as well. It's written the same way...all I did was read it differently. Even at that age, I wanted to make myself into something...not what I was.

'Kakyoin' is fine--it's my name, obviously. I'm used to everyone using it, even Jotaro. I don't really think-...I'm not sure I ever really managed to become the kind of person I wanted to be, not yet. So I don't think I want anyone to casually use what I call myself just yet.

[...]

I might break Mista's nose if he continues the way he does, you understand. Nothing personal.

Of course. It should be your choice, how people address you. That's basic respect.

[. . . Basic respect, and then there's Mista. He sighed, but - still smiling, because. You know.]

If you break it for that, I'll tell him he has to wait for it to heal normally.

[And then probably fix it anyway. But, you know.]

[Kakyoin laughed again, answering with a sincere smile.]

I guess we'll have to see what happens. I certainly won't do anything unless he deserves it.

Of course you won't. I trust you. But some people only learn where the limits are with a good punch in the face.

[Or a pummeling into hell. Mista's usually a little better than that, though.]

Naturally, and it's always the difficult ones like Mista or Polnareff.

. . . Did you ever break Polnareff's nose?

[LEANS FORWARD EAGERLY.]

That time in Calcutta I mentioned? As soon as I pulled him into the truck and got away, I hit him in the face with my elbow for being an idiot.

[FRIENDSHIP]

I don't think I broke his nose, but it must have been close.

[You know how when you teach a kid to do something new and hilarious, like peek-a-boo or clapping games, they giggle and clap all excited? Yeah, that's what's happening here right now.]

See, you'd fit right in. Narancia used to threaten us with knives all the time.

[...That was easily the cutest damn thing in the world, and Kakyoin made a very important mental note to get Giorno to do that as much as possible.]

That's high praise, coming from you. I have to confess I'm not used to fitting in many places.

Oh, I'm not either. For a long time I didn't even try. It's harder than it seems to people who've never had to work at it.

...neither did I. It was far too much work that ended in persistent disappointment.

[. . .]

It's been long enough that I thought I'd be used to it...you know, having actual friends. But I guess I just still don't know how to react around them sometimes.

I know.

[Secretly had a big old conversation about your inability to chill at the prospect of having friends, Kakyoin.]

I wouldn't have gotten even remotely competent at . . . dealing with people, really connecting, if it weren't for Bruno, I don't think. All of them, but--

[He looked down at the ladybug again.]

Bruno taught me how to treat people with love, and Mista taught me how to prioritize my friends' lives over victory.

And how to have fun. That, too.

...

[Kakyoin glanced away, expression turning to a fond but forlorn smile.]

I don't know who or what I'd be if not for them. If I hadn't been involved in all this, I'd...just be on my own, even now. Still that miserable, despairing, isolated coward that wanted to change himself. They weren't the most conventional group of friends, but they're mine. I'll never forget a second of the time we spent together, even if it was short.

[Even if it ended the way it did, and even if he never saw the rest of them again. If he really did end up having to die for them, that was fine.]

Like I told you before...we belong here now. Even if we're not family, we're...family. Right?

Mm.

[He nodded, still not quite looking up yet, just thinking about all of this. He'd still be on his own, too - even if he'd succeeded at becoming Don of Passione without Bruno, he'd be running it into the ground. And he'd be miserable. Because . . . Bruno taught him how to treat people with love, and Mista taught him how to be happy.]

[In the end, when he did glance up at Kakyoin again, it was a little too solemn, maybe, considering how light things had been a moment ago. But it was genuine, and he felt that was important, more important than being misleading to maintain some arbitrary standard of politeness. They were both beyond that with each other at this point, he though.]

We are. And you know that you're my family, too, if you want to be. Right? One of us.

[Kakyoin folded his arms, clinging to either the fabric of his jacket or Hierophant beneath it. It wasn't clear which, but anyone that knew Kakyoin could take a pretty good guess.]

I'd really...like that, Giorno.

[His voice faltered and faded near the end of that sentence, and it was an agonizingly long few seconds before Kakyoin looked up again.]

I'm just...tired of feeling like this. Like I don't belong here when even I know that I do, or like I'm...replacing my real family for another one. I'm so sick of feeling guilty for everything I do at every minute.

. . . Kakyoin, I . . . never really had a real family. Ah - so I don't know if I should say this, but I'm going to say it anyway. All right?

I don't think you can replace family. You can't ever take one person in your life and fill that role with someone else. It's just impossible. You can add to family, though. And I think the people in your family back home would understand and be happy for you, that you've found more people you love.

...sorry. I probably shouldn't have brought them up, I know it's not the best subject in this case. But...no, you're probably right. They'd be relieved, I think--they always worried about how I never made friends with anyone.

[Hesitating, Kakyoin silently debated if he should continue. Did he really have any place saying this to Giorno of all people?]

I lied to them about Egypt. I made up some excuse and left with barely another word, after acting however strangely I must have been for months before that. In all the chaos, I barely even contacted them in those fifty days. And I don't think I've ever been honest with my parents a single day in my life...about Hierophant or anything else.

[And I might never get a chance to fix that, he thought, forcing back the remark that didn't need saying.]

Is it...still acceptable to try and find a place in a family I have nothing to do with after I fucked everything up with my own? I might just do the same here, somehow.

Edited 2015-11-02 03:03 (UTC)

[It didn't need saying. He understood it effortlessly, because - well, it obviously wasn't the same at all, but it was similar to how he felt about Abbacchio. He wanted a chance to fix that. He wanted things to be okay, or as okay as they ever were. To have his family as together as the universe would allow.]

[So, one more time, he leaned forward and rested his hands over Kakyoin's hands, ducking his head to look up at him seriously.]

Family loves you no matter how many times you fuck up.

[You fucked up and people died . . .]

No matter how many times you do it, they let you back in, and they forgive you. We will always forgive you, Kakyoin.

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