digiorno | ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

[Ah.]

[He looked up at that, smiling again, curious but not invasively so, just very willing to hear whatever Kakyoin is willing to tell him. It was a good thing to know, even if he never used or heard the name Tenmei again - a part of Kakyoin's history, even if it was one that he'd rejected.]

Part of the importance of Don Giovanna to me is . . . that it's mine. All mine. Something that I made and took for myself.

You do still prefer your surname?

I understand--'Noriaki' is something I needed when I was younger. Something I crafted and built on my own as well. It's written the same way...all I did was read it differently. Even at that age, I wanted to make myself into something...not what I was.

'Kakyoin' is fine--it's my name, obviously. I'm used to everyone using it, even Jotaro. I don't really think-...I'm not sure I ever really managed to become the kind of person I wanted to be, not yet. So I don't think I want anyone to casually use what I call myself just yet.

[...]

I might break Mista's nose if he continues the way he does, you understand. Nothing personal.

Of course. It should be your choice, how people address you. That's basic respect.

[. . . Basic respect, and then there's Mista. He sighed, but - still smiling, because. You know.]

If you break it for that, I'll tell him he has to wait for it to heal normally.

[And then probably fix it anyway. But, you know.]

[Kakyoin laughed again, answering with a sincere smile.]

I guess we'll have to see what happens. I certainly won't do anything unless he deserves it.

Of course you won't. I trust you. But some people only learn where the limits are with a good punch in the face.

[Or a pummeling into hell. Mista's usually a little better than that, though.]

Naturally, and it's always the difficult ones like Mista or Polnareff.

. . . Did you ever break Polnareff's nose?

[LEANS FORWARD EAGERLY.]

That time in Calcutta I mentioned? As soon as I pulled him into the truck and got away, I hit him in the face with my elbow for being an idiot.

[FRIENDSHIP]

I don't think I broke his nose, but it must have been close.

[You know how when you teach a kid to do something new and hilarious, like peek-a-boo or clapping games, they giggle and clap all excited? Yeah, that's what's happening here right now.]

See, you'd fit right in. Narancia used to threaten us with knives all the time.

[...That was easily the cutest damn thing in the world, and Kakyoin made a very important mental note to get Giorno to do that as much as possible.]

That's high praise, coming from you. I have to confess I'm not used to fitting in many places.

Oh, I'm not either. For a long time I didn't even try. It's harder than it seems to people who've never had to work at it.

...neither did I. It was far too much work that ended in persistent disappointment.

[. . .]

It's been long enough that I thought I'd be used to it...you know, having actual friends. But I guess I just still don't know how to react around them sometimes.

I know.

[Secretly had a big old conversation about your inability to chill at the prospect of having friends, Kakyoin.]

I wouldn't have gotten even remotely competent at . . . dealing with people, really connecting, if it weren't for Bruno, I don't think. All of them, but--

[He looked down at the ladybug again.]

Bruno taught me how to treat people with love, and Mista taught me how to prioritize my friends' lives over victory.

And how to have fun. That, too.

...

[Kakyoin glanced away, expression turning to a fond but forlorn smile.]

I don't know who or what I'd be if not for them. If I hadn't been involved in all this, I'd...just be on my own, even now. Still that miserable, despairing, isolated coward that wanted to change himself. They weren't the most conventional group of friends, but they're mine. I'll never forget a second of the time we spent together, even if it was short.

[Even if it ended the way it did, and even if he never saw the rest of them again. If he really did end up having to die for them, that was fine.]

Like I told you before...we belong here now. Even if we're not family, we're...family. Right?

Mm.

[He nodded, still not quite looking up yet, just thinking about all of this. He'd still be on his own, too - even if he'd succeeded at becoming Don of Passione without Bruno, he'd be running it into the ground. And he'd be miserable. Because . . . Bruno taught him how to treat people with love, and Mista taught him how to be happy.]

[In the end, when he did glance up at Kakyoin again, it was a little too solemn, maybe, considering how light things had been a moment ago. But it was genuine, and he felt that was important, more important than being misleading to maintain some arbitrary standard of politeness. They were both beyond that with each other at this point, he though.]

We are. And you know that you're my family, too, if you want to be. Right? One of us.

[Kakyoin folded his arms, clinging to either the fabric of his jacket or Hierophant beneath it. It wasn't clear which, but anyone that knew Kakyoin could take a pretty good guess.]

I'd really...like that, Giorno.

[His voice faltered and faded near the end of that sentence, and it was an agonizingly long few seconds before Kakyoin looked up again.]

I'm just...tired of feeling like this. Like I don't belong here when even I know that I do, or like I'm...replacing my real family for another one. I'm so sick of feeling guilty for everything I do at every minute.

. . . Kakyoin, I . . . never really had a real family. Ah - so I don't know if I should say this, but I'm going to say it anyway. All right?

I don't think you can replace family. You can't ever take one person in your life and fill that role with someone else. It's just impossible. You can add to family, though. And I think the people in your family back home would understand and be happy for you, that you've found more people you love.

...sorry. I probably shouldn't have brought them up, I know it's not the best subject in this case. But...no, you're probably right. They'd be relieved, I think--they always worried about how I never made friends with anyone.

[Hesitating, Kakyoin silently debated if he should continue. Did he really have any place saying this to Giorno of all people?]

I lied to them about Egypt. I made up some excuse and left with barely another word, after acting however strangely I must have been for months before that. In all the chaos, I barely even contacted them in those fifty days. And I don't think I've ever been honest with my parents a single day in my life...about Hierophant or anything else.

[And I might never get a chance to fix that, he thought, forcing back the remark that didn't need saying.]

Is it...still acceptable to try and find a place in a family I have nothing to do with after I fucked everything up with my own? I might just do the same here, somehow.

Edited 2015-11-02 03:03 (UTC)

[It didn't need saying. He understood it effortlessly, because - well, it obviously wasn't the same at all, but it was similar to how he felt about Abbacchio. He wanted a chance to fix that. He wanted things to be okay, or as okay as they ever were. To have his family as together as the universe would allow.]

[So, one more time, he leaned forward and rested his hands over Kakyoin's hands, ducking his head to look up at him seriously.]

Family loves you no matter how many times you fuck up.

[You fucked up and people died . . .]

No matter how many times you do it, they let you back in, and they forgive you. We will always forgive you, Kakyoin.

[Before he could let himself second-guess it, Kakyoin moved his hands to grip Giorno's securely but gently enough to leave the option of pulling away if he chose to.]

Thank you. I...you know that goes both ways, don't you? It's not important to me who you're related to, how similar you are, or what name you use. All that matters is that you're my friend, and my family if that's what you want to be.

[It made him smile. He hadn't expected it, that reciprocation, and would have been fine if Kakyoin had pulled away, but the fact that he didn't - that he chose to take comfort for himself as well as giving it back - was important. So it felt right to squeeze his fingers a little, to reinforce the fact that he was really there and not leaving, no matter what.]

I do know that. Sometimes I know it but don't believe it - but I do know it.

And I do want that. To be your family.

Edited (i forgot half of my tag???) 2015-11-02 04:54 (UTC)

I'll say it as much as necessary for you to believe it. You'd do the same for me, I'm certain of that.

And I'd really be honored to be able to consider you family.

Well, consider yourself honored, then.

[He pursed his lips for a moment; then:]

If Polnareff were here, he'd do something stupid and ruin the moment.

He excels at that. It's quite the talent, isn't it?

It really is. Especially because I can be too serious. Sometimes at home we'll be in a meeting or something and he'll make a joke and just kind of look at me, and it's only then that I realize . . .

[That you were looking at the person across from you like you were about to very sweetly strangle them?]

That everything's really going well.

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