[It isn't meant to hurt. Just to get his attention. Of course, if pain is the side effect, he's cold enough not to mind it much. He understands what this means; Polnareff won't, with his abundance of love stretching back decades. If he has to translate for Dio, who won't say it, he will.]
[I am, he nearly says, but the one benefit about typing one-handed is that he has to think a lot more before he writes anything. And so he thinks, and-- well. What are Dio's choices, exactly? Jotaro? No. Polnareff loves Jotaro more than anything, trusts him with his life-- but Jotaro murdered Dio once, and Polnareff had no doubt his friend would do it again if it didn't mean alienating Giorno.
Kakyoin? More likely than Jotaro. Hadn't Kakyoin said that he and Dio were even semi-friendly? But perhaps Dio knew what he did to Kakyoin in the future, perhaps he had some awful guilt. I hate myself and everything I become, Dio had once told him, and it wouldn't be such a stretch for Kakyoin's death to be included in that hatred and guilt.
Which left him. The man who had declared himself proudly to be one of Dio's murderers his first day; who had confessed to him two months later that he was just as terrified of the kid as the kid was of him. Who offered him knowledge, complete with all the boundaries he wanted to set in place. Who'd just cooked him supper, who had asked him about what he was learning and how it was going and all sorts of stupid, inane shit.
Another long pause. This conversation might be full of them.]
[And then Giorno pauses, too, and does his best to self-reflect. He knows, honestly, that he isn't at his most objective on this particular subject. He loves Dio too much and wants to protect him too fiercely to care what anyone else thinks at this point. But he loves Polnareff too, and wants to protect him, and so this is where he finds himself.]
[All of his people deserve his care.]
i didn't either but it's easier for me in some ways almost everything i've found here has been an addition, not a subtraction or a change of what already was
i never expected to meet him i had no preconceived notions only dreams
is it better than you thought itd be? i mean different yeah but
[He has no idea. Oh, his mother had died early, but there was a world of difference between dying and not being around. Polnareff's childhood had been filled with unconditional love, and he'd always known it. To not know a father at all, to know that your mother had fled him, to have the kind of upbringing Giorno had--]
honestly i thought he might try to kill me when i got older, i mean, and after talking to you especially the first thing he did when he got here was threaten mista and you can imagine how well that went over
when i was little, though, i just wanted him to come save me
[That isn't meant cruelly, but rather empathizing: he's sure Giorno did want that. Who wouldn't?]
i didnt know he had kids back home we never even thought to look around for them dont take this the wrong way giorno but i kind of thought he wouldnt allow there to be any kids or if there were theyd be raised by him
i don't think anyone would take offense to that why would he, what would be the benefit when i learned more i just thought he'd see me as a threat, if anything, or something to be used i never understood why he wanted my mother to keep me maybe he just hated her that much
when all this is over you and me should start bringing him some meals theres not much here i mean theres not much at home but theres REALLY not a lot here
im not saying like let's go and start meals on wheels im just saying the kids just got a can of spaghetti and some oats
[Dio had eaten most of the spaghetti, too. It wasn't as if a dinky can would have done Polnareff much good-- four of them, maybe.]
i dont im not trying to get in your way or anything after this me and him probably wont see much of each other but if i think of him as a kid its easier
i dont know at least tonight nothing is going to happen either to him or me and tomorrow i guess well see what happens maybe ill just go back to avoiding him
for every potential positive outcome there are fifty negative outcomes diagramming them for you would be time-consuming and counterproductive if not totally pointless this conversation is about you after all isn't it?
[He's never seen this side of Giorno before. Shocking doesn't begin to cover it. This is Giorno cold and removed, someone so distant it's as if he's talking to someone else entirely.]
you know if you were worried i was going to kill him you only had to say
frankly that's the least of my worries i don't believe you would at least not on purpose
i believe you want to i believe all of you want to i believe his presence here affects all of you every day i believe your presence here affects him every day i believe he is afraid every day that he will be killed and i believe that all of you are afraid of the same thing i believe that one day someone will be too frightened and in too much pain to keep from hurting someone else
i don't believe it will be you
i believe that everyone is struggling all the time i believe that you and jotaro represent everything that he fears i believe the fact that you don't represent that to me is a series of lucky coincidences
what i believe to be most likely is that something will happen that will cause all of you to decide that he is no longer an acceptable presence in your lives you will want him removed perhaps not killed, but elsewhere an understandable impulse, to be sure, but one that will create precisely what you fear and yet to you there won't be another option
there are a thousand roads to that outcome there is only one road to unity
if you think i protect him because i love him, you're right but don't assume that that's the only reason
The thing is, none of it is wrong. Giorno is absolutely right, from the top of that message down to the very last period. Wasn't that his and Jotaro's very first conversation? What are we going to do about Dio, and all the subtle threats implied therein. If Jotaro had ordered them to attack, he--
He might have. He's not sure. But the very fact that he isn't sure says a lot.
He studies all that for a while. Long enough that Giorno would be forgiven for thinking he's being ignored, or that Polnareff fell asleep. But he isn't and he hasn't. He stares at the message for a long time, and then he stares at the kid still asleep by his side. And for once in his life, he thinks.]
all right
[Two words. Very tired, and very wrung out, and very much an acquiesce.]
[What he doesn't say, of course, is that he's also concerned for himself. He's concerned with the near-inevitability that one day he'll have to choose. Joestars or Passione, blood or bond, family or famiglia. There's a reason he keeps the words separate in his mind, on his tongue. They are not the same.]
[The truth is that he won't even hesitate. Passione is his home. Passione is what he fought for. Passione is where he'll go, and he'll take Dio with him.]
[He has no intention of telling anyone this. The person who needs most to know does, without a word being spoken. He and Bruno don't have to speak. Passione is Passione; a don does not abandon his famiglia.]
you should get some rest
[There is no give here, not now. He'll be up all night. He doesn't have the luxury of kindness when he's being torn in two.]
[He knows a dismissal when he hears one. It's not a kindness, and he's not stupid enough to think it is: get some rest, which signals the end of the conversation, plain and simple. At the very least, it's not particularly cruel: just distant.]
yeah
[Monosyllabic, but if he starts typing he's going to say something he regrets. God only knows how this will all play out tomorrow, when he gets home-- he has no idea what Giorno will do, save for ruling out the possibility he'll just ignore this conversation. But that's a worry for tomorrow.]
[He doesn't bother replying. Honestly, when he hears his watch go off, he doesn't even look at it. He's done for the night. If he gets another text, it will be from Dio, and that he will respond to.]
[He gets a couple of hours of sleep, three max. When he wakes up, he feels worse than he would have if he'd just stayed up. He checks his watch; Dio still hasn't contacted him, and to soothe his anxiety about that he takes an extra-hot shower, spends more time than usual on his hair. Everything about him is precise curves and lines when he comes down to make coffee, like he's slept for days, been up for hours. His fingers curve around his mug, and he waits, reaching out with life sense to the front door.]
[He slips in around eight, though he'd left Dio near dawn. It was soothing to wander for a while in the empty streets, hands shoved in his pockets, mind working and thoughts whirling. He'd smoked too much, down half a pack in less than three hours, but there are worse ways to cope. Anyone within a ten foot radius will smell what he's been doing, but that's their problem, not his.
Nevertheless, the scent of coffee hits him when he slips in, and though he has a damn good idea of who might be waiting for him, he heads to the kitchen. Best to get this over with now, before anyone else wakes up, before it becomes something that isn't just the two of them. Three of them. Whichever.
Giorno looks immaculate. Not just fresh, but perfect, as though he'd just sat down, as though nothing was wrong. Polnareff knows he looks a damn sight worse, but at least his expression is nearly as neutral. Someone like Giorno might be able to pick up on a few emotions-- fear, grief, exhaustion, and even apathy-- but he tries to keep them all tucked away as he moves to spin a chair and straddle it.]
[It's funny. Life sense tells him about . . . life and death. Health, to some extent, and weakness. Not feelings. So Gold Experience hasn't weakened his natural tendency to read people.]
[Exhaustion is strong, when Polnareff stumbles into the room; that's what he senses first. The rest comes in a slow trickle of observation.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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i'm impressed
that he did that i mean
not surprised that it's you he trusts, though
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Kakyoin? More likely than Jotaro. Hadn't Kakyoin said that he and Dio were even semi-friendly? But perhaps Dio knew what he did to Kakyoin in the future, perhaps he had some awful guilt. I hate myself and everything I become, Dio had once told him, and it wouldn't be such a stretch for Kakyoin's death to be included in that hatred and guilt.
Which left him. The man who had declared himself proudly to be one of Dio's murderers his first day; who had confessed to him two months later that he was just as terrified of the kid as the kid was of him. Who offered him knowledge, complete with all the boundaries he wanted to set in place. Who'd just cooked him supper, who had asked him about what he was learning and how it was going and all sorts of stupid, inane shit.
Another long pause. This conversation might be full of them.]
i didnt expect it
or him
or this place, any of it
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[And then Giorno pauses, too, and does his best to self-reflect. He knows, honestly, that he isn't at his most objective on this particular subject. He loves Dio too much and wants to protect him too fiercely to care what anyone else thinks at this point. But he loves Polnareff too, and wants to protect him, and so this is where he finds himself.]
[All of his people deserve his care.]
i didn't either
but it's easier for me in some ways
almost everything i've found here has been an addition, not a subtraction or a change of what already was
i never expected to meet him
i had no preconceived notions
only dreams
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i mean different yeah but
[He has no idea. Oh, his mother had died early, but there was a world of difference between dying and not being around. Polnareff's childhood had been filled with unconditional love, and he'd always known it. To not know a father at all, to know that your mother had fled him, to have the kind of upbringing Giorno had--]
hes so different as a kid
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when i got older, i mean, and after talking to you especially
the first thing he did when he got here was threaten mista and you can imagine how well that went over
when i was little, though, i just wanted him to come save me
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i bet
[That isn't meant cruelly, but rather empathizing: he's sure Giorno did want that. Who wouldn't?]
i didnt know he had kids back home
we never even thought to look around for them
dont take this the wrong way giorno but i kind of thought he wouldnt allow there to be any kids
or if there were theyd be raised by him
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why would he, what would be the benefit
when i learned more i just thought he'd see me as a threat, if anything, or something to be used
i never understood why he wanted my mother to keep me
maybe he just hated her that much
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[He sighs and glances down at Dio.]
when all this is over you and me should start bringing him some meals
theres not much here
i mean theres not much at home but theres REALLY not a lot here
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[Wait. No. Why? He worries his lip.]
okay
i
if you want to do that
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[Dio had eaten most of the spaghetti, too. It wasn't as if a dinky can would have done Polnareff much good-- four of them, maybe.]
i dont
im not trying to get in your way or anything
after this me and him probably wont see much of each other
but if i think of him as a kid its easier
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it's just
i don't know
i'm just worried, everything about this makes me worry
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[That was kind of mean, he thinks belatedly.]
i dont know
at least tonight nothing is going to happen
either to him or me
and tomorrow i guess well see what happens
maybe ill just go back to avoiding him
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if it doesn't end by tomorrow i'm coming over
or if one of you asks, whichever comes first
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thats not what i meant
i just meant youre not the only one scared
not by a long shot
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that doesn't make it any less true
and the truth of it means any comfort i can offer is hollow
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what exactly are you afraid might happen
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diagramming them for you would be time-consuming and counterproductive if not totally pointless
this conversation is about you after all
isn't it?
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[He's never seen this side of Giorno before. Shocking doesn't begin to cover it. This is Giorno cold and removed, someone so distant it's as if he's talking to someone else entirely.]
you know if you were worried i was going to kill him you only had to say
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i don't believe you would at least not on purpose
i believe you want to
i believe all of you want to
i believe his presence here affects all of you every day
i believe your presence here affects him every day
i believe he is afraid every day that he will be killed and i believe that all of you are afraid of the same thing
i believe that one day someone will be too frightened and in too much pain to keep from hurting someone else
i don't believe it will be you
i believe that everyone is struggling all the time
i believe that you and jotaro represent everything that he fears
i believe the fact that you don't represent that to me is a series of lucky coincidences
what i believe to be most likely is that something will happen that will cause all of you to decide that he is no longer an acceptable presence in your lives
you will want him removed
perhaps not killed, but elsewhere
an understandable impulse, to be sure, but one that will create precisely what you fear
and yet to you there won't be another option
there are a thousand roads to that outcome
there is only one road to unity
if you think i protect him because i love him, you're right
but don't assume that that's the only reason
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The thing is, none of it is wrong. Giorno is absolutely right, from the top of that message down to the very last period. Wasn't that his and Jotaro's very first conversation? What are we going to do about Dio, and all the subtle threats implied therein. If Jotaro had ordered them to attack, he--
He might have. He's not sure. But the very fact that he isn't sure says a lot.
He studies all that for a while. Long enough that Giorno would be forgiven for thinking he's being ignored, or that Polnareff fell asleep. But he isn't and he hasn't. He stares at the message for a long time, and then he stares at the kid still asleep by his side. And for once in his life, he thinks.]
all right
[Two words. Very tired, and very wrung out, and very much an acquiesce.]
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[The truth is that he won't even hesitate. Passione is his home. Passione is what he fought for. Passione is where he'll go, and he'll take Dio with him.]
[He has no intention of telling anyone this. The person who needs most to know does, without a word being spoken. He and Bruno don't have to speak. Passione is Passione; a don does not abandon his famiglia.]
you should get some rest
[There is no give here, not now. He'll be up all night. He doesn't have the luxury of kindness when he's being torn in two.]
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yeah
[Monosyllabic, but if he starts typing he's going to say something he regrets. God only knows how this will all play out tomorrow, when he gets home-- he has no idea what Giorno will do, save for ruling out the possibility he'll just ignore this conversation. But that's a worry for tomorrow.]
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[He gets a couple of hours of sleep, three max. When he wakes up, he feels worse than he would have if he'd just stayed up. He checks his watch; Dio still hasn't contacted him, and to soothe his anxiety about that he takes an extra-hot shower, spends more time than usual on his hair. Everything about him is precise curves and lines when he comes down to make coffee, like he's slept for days, been up for hours. His fingers curve around his mug, and he waits, reaching out with life sense to the front door.]
[He will feel Polnareff as soon as he comes in.]
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Nevertheless, the scent of coffee hits him when he slips in, and though he has a damn good idea of who might be waiting for him, he heads to the kitchen. Best to get this over with now, before anyone else wakes up, before it becomes something that isn't just the two of them. Three of them. Whichever.
Giorno looks immaculate. Not just fresh, but perfect, as though he'd just sat down, as though nothing was wrong. Polnareff knows he looks a damn sight worse, but at least his expression is nearly as neutral. Someone like Giorno might be able to pick up on a few emotions-- fear, grief, exhaustion, and even apathy-- but he tries to keep them all tucked away as he moves to spin a chair and straddle it.]
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[Exhaustion is strong, when Polnareff stumbles into the room; that's what he senses first. The rest comes in a slow trickle of observation.]
You don't want any coffee?
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