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ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ
buongiorno! sorry i missed you; i'll happily get back to you as soon as i'm done with whatever business i'm on. leave a message!
( text | voice | video )
⇦ ● ⇨
buongiorno! sorry i missed you; i'll happily get back to you as soon as i'm done with whatever business i'm on. leave a message!
( text | voice | video )
⇦ ● ⇨
[Oh, well. We're going over here then, zoom and godspeed.
...And there's a visible change in Star as Jolie comes into view, too, where all of a sudden he's fixated as intently on the wet furry cat noodle in the tub as he once had been on a red and green fish swimming tight circles in a thermos on the beach; his interest is palpable and his response is instantaneous, nodding vigorously in response to Giorno's question before deciding that's not enough and following up with a quiet spoken affirmation on top of it.]
Ora...
...And there's a visible change in Star as Jolie comes into view, too, where all of a sudden he's fixated as intently on the wet furry cat noodle in the tub as he once had been on a red and green fish swimming tight circles in a thermos on the beach; his interest is palpable and his response is instantaneous, nodding vigorously in response to Giorno's question before deciding that's not enough and following up with a quiet spoken affirmation on top of it.]
Ora...
Good boy.
[Giorno's visibly pleased, smiling bright and leaning his head back to watch Star from upside down; Gold Experience, who's stayed still and wrapped his arms around his knees, is openly curious, and the two emotions bounce back and forth between them as they both watch Star watching Jolie. Giorno pushes the braids back behind Star's ear and pats him on the cheek again.]
Ora. Do you like that she's having fun, stellino?
[Giorno's visibly pleased, smiling bright and leaning his head back to watch Star from upside down; Gold Experience, who's stayed still and wrapped his arms around his knees, is openly curious, and the two emotions bounce back and forth between them as they both watch Star watching Jolie. Giorno pushes the braids back behind Star's ear and pats him on the cheek again.]
Ora. Do you like that she's having fun, stellino?
Have I ever said no?
[With that light answer, she takes the offered seat. The tea is taken more slowly; she breathes its aroma, savoring it, then breathes out ripples to cool it before taking her first sip, and if Giorno knows her well enough to figure she's putting on this little show to give him time and space to put his thoughts together, well. She doesn't pretend to be opaque.
She'll wait for him, this time.]
[With that light answer, she takes the offered seat. The tea is taken more slowly; she breathes its aroma, savoring it, then breathes out ripples to cool it before taking her first sip, and if Giorno knows her well enough to figure she's putting on this little show to give him time and space to put his thoughts together, well. She doesn't pretend to be opaque.
She'll wait for him, this time.]
[She's a good person. That's part of what makes her hard to understand, because she's a good person and he simply doesn't believe in those. But he has to admit that the other part of what makes her hard to comprehend is that he refuses to see her as a person first and a mother second. It's always - mother, then person. And that isn't fair or right, is it? She's Holly Kujo, then everything else.]
[He wraps his hands around the cup and closes his eyes, breathes it in, takes a sip that's a little too hot. He's glad for it. It's grounding, in its own way. When he opens his eyes, there's bared grief in them, explicit pain.]
I feel awful. Because Abbacchio is going back to being dead, and Mista is just going back. I'm . . . grieving disproportionately. Isn't that a ridiculous thing to be worried about?
[He wraps his hands around the cup and closes his eyes, breathes it in, takes a sip that's a little too hot. He's glad for it. It's grounding, in its own way. When he opens his eyes, there's bared grief in them, explicit pain.]
I feel awful. Because Abbacchio is going back to being dead, and Mista is just going back. I'm . . . grieving disproportionately. Isn't that a ridiculous thing to be worried about?
[That rawness is hard to look at. And it's harder still to fight the instinctual urge to rise from her chair, close the distance and soothe away the pain with gentle words and soft touches. But she looks, and she fights, and tries to find peace in the knowledge that at least he's not swallowing it down, keeping it locked up behind tightly pursed lips and clenching fingers.]
... You know what I think about grief. There's nothing 'disproportionate' about what you feel, in my opinion.
[Abbachio was a shadow she barely got to know, but Mista... Giorno spoke so passionately about Mista, and not a word of it was exaggeration, she knew. Those days above the coffee shop gave her plenty of evidence.
Idly, her fingers meet around her cup, the ones of her right spinning the modest band on her left.]
What makes you think it's ridiculous?
... You know what I think about grief. There's nothing 'disproportionate' about what you feel, in my opinion.
[Abbachio was a shadow she barely got to know, but Mista... Giorno spoke so passionately about Mista, and not a word of it was exaggeration, she knew. Those days above the coffee shop gave her plenty of evidence.
Idly, her fingers meet around her cup, the ones of her right spinning the modest band on her left.]
What makes you think it's ridiculous?
[Star looks again, or rather continues looking with his full attention after momentarily dividing it when Giorno had touched his face; Jolie has resigned herself by now to the present state of Being Damp All Over, and in scrabbling around the tub she's learning the magic of wet smooth tile under little feet. Sliding gives her something to do, not precisely swimming but at the very least scooting around while the water flows with her, and Star takes all of this in and —]
...Ah —
[And the first reaction to break the stillness actually comes from Jotaro, a little more audible than a sigh but close to it in character; Star's delight is starting to blaze and he can feel it, and where normally he might swallow back the little twinges of it on instinct, right now they're exploring and experimenting, so he frees them instead.]
He's happy. Not just one thing...the kind of happy that comes from a lot of things, all at once.
...Ah —
[And the first reaction to break the stillness actually comes from Jotaro, a little more audible than a sigh but close to it in character; Star's delight is starting to blaze and he can feel it, and where normally he might swallow back the little twinges of it on instinct, right now they're exploring and experimenting, so he frees them instead.]
He's happy. Not just one thing...the kind of happy that comes from a lot of things, all at once.
Really?
[It's like an echo chamber of joy in here - he could sort of feel it, Star's joy, in the moment before now, and it doesn't feel like the lightening in the air when a person's happy but it's similar, the way wonder morphs into delight, but Jotaro's is viciously familiar, and those two together fill him to the brim with happiness. He leans his head on Star's shoulder and then presses his face against it, hiding a grin, and then nudges just a little with his elbow.]
You should pet her, Star. If you want to. But you have to be gentle, remember.
[Behind him, unseen, Gold Experience lifts his head just a little.]
[It's like an echo chamber of joy in here - he could sort of feel it, Star's joy, in the moment before now, and it doesn't feel like the lightening in the air when a person's happy but it's similar, the way wonder morphs into delight, but Jotaro's is viciously familiar, and those two together fill him to the brim with happiness. He leans his head on Star's shoulder and then presses his face against it, hiding a grin, and then nudges just a little with his elbow.]
You should pet her, Star. If you want to. But you have to be gentle, remember.
[Behind him, unseen, Gold Experience lifts his head just a little.]
Yeah. It's her, and you, and me. This. All of it, this makes him happy.
[And for a moment he honestly stops to wonder, is this all Star? It's easy to attribute it all to him but it's not as though these aren't all things that inspire emotion in himself, too, and Star takes his cues from him — so, is it all his Stand? Or is Star in some ways like a magnifying glass, using him as a reference and a benchmark, and simply echoing back his own feelings exponentially?
It wasn't so long ago that he'd been the one with his back to a wall, slumped down with Star's arms wrapped protectively around him, searching himself for the memory of what happiness felt like and only coming up with dull hollow nothing.
Here he is now, feeling it so much that he can't tell who it's coming from.]
...I'm happy, too.
[And Star, finding Giorno's suggestion to his liking, reaches carefully into the tub with his massive hand, one finger heading for her damp and slicked-back fur, and when he does touch her it's very gentle, very light, and follows the line of her back all the way down to her long ropy tail. Jolie doesn't seem to recognize the different between Stand and flesh, but Jotaro's fingers twitch slightly at the distant sensation of smooth and wet and soft, and Star casts a wide-eyed look at Giorno in an attempt to telegraph his awe.]
[And for a moment he honestly stops to wonder, is this all Star? It's easy to attribute it all to him but it's not as though these aren't all things that inspire emotion in himself, too, and Star takes his cues from him — so, is it all his Stand? Or is Star in some ways like a magnifying glass, using him as a reference and a benchmark, and simply echoing back his own feelings exponentially?
It wasn't so long ago that he'd been the one with his back to a wall, slumped down with Star's arms wrapped protectively around him, searching himself for the memory of what happiness felt like and only coming up with dull hollow nothing.
Here he is now, feeling it so much that he can't tell who it's coming from.]
...I'm happy, too.
[And Star, finding Giorno's suggestion to his liking, reaches carefully into the tub with his massive hand, one finger heading for her damp and slicked-back fur, and when he does touch her it's very gentle, very light, and follows the line of her back all the way down to her long ropy tail. Jolie doesn't seem to recognize the different between Stand and flesh, but Jotaro's fingers twitch slightly at the distant sensation of smooth and wet and soft, and Star casts a wide-eyed look at Giorno in an attempt to telegraph his awe.]
[I'm happy too, Jotaro says, this boy who somewhere along the way became one of his most important people, the touchstone of his second famiglia, his most trusted friend. Jotaro who a few months ago wouldn't have said anything about himself like this, much less that he was happy - so simple, just that - and a few months ago would never have looked so soft, been so willing to let go.]
[It makes him buzz with pride. Look at him go, look how hard he's working, Jotaro Kujo who never stops trying, who won't get in the way of his own happiness anymore.]
[When Star looks at him again, it's absolutely, positively too much to contain. His eyes go bright, half with excitement and half with tears, and he can't keep himself from wrapping his arms around Star's neck and kissing him on the cheek.]
Ti voglio bene, stellino.
[Half-hiding his face against Star's, he grins (while Gold Experience slowly relaxes, settling into a boneless lounge against the wall.]
I'm happy, too. Ti voglio bene, Jotaro.
[It makes him buzz with pride. Look at him go, look how hard he's working, Jotaro Kujo who never stops trying, who won't get in the way of his own happiness anymore.]
[When Star looks at him again, it's absolutely, positively too much to contain. His eyes go bright, half with excitement and half with tears, and he can't keep himself from wrapping his arms around Star's neck and kissing him on the cheek.]
Ti voglio bene, stellino.
[Half-hiding his face against Star's, he grins (while Gold Experience slowly relaxes, settling into a boneless lounge against the wall.]
I'm happy, too. Ti voglio bene, Jotaro.
[Nothing disproportionate . . . that doesn't feel right to him. It grates at something inside. Everything must be perfect, measured to the gram - everything, from violence to pleasure to grief. Nothing can be haphazard. He can't be anything but flawless.]
[He presses his lips tight shut, an unconscious mirror of her own expression, and tries to figure it out - the precise way of saying this so that it's just right. Another piece of perfection.]
Because this isn't what normal people do. Normal people just feel what they feel, and that's that.
[But he's not normal. He never has been, and he certainly isn't now.]
[Sighing, he pinches the bridge of his nose.]
Sometimes - loving people is such an uphill struggle . . . even if you know why, or can guess why, sometimes it hurts almost too much to bear. And then some things are easy, and it seems - cowardly, maybe, to miss the easy things, the effortlessly perfect things most of all.
I don't know. I really don't. I'm just talking, I don't know what I'm saying at all, sorry.
[He presses his lips tight shut, an unconscious mirror of her own expression, and tries to figure it out - the precise way of saying this so that it's just right. Another piece of perfection.]
Because this isn't what normal people do. Normal people just feel what they feel, and that's that.
[But he's not normal. He never has been, and he certainly isn't now.]
[Sighing, he pinches the bridge of his nose.]
Sometimes - loving people is such an uphill struggle . . . even if you know why, or can guess why, sometimes it hurts almost too much to bear. And then some things are easy, and it seems - cowardly, maybe, to miss the easy things, the effortlessly perfect things most of all.
I don't know. I really don't. I'm just talking, I don't know what I'm saying at all, sorry.
[It's true, what he says. She's very much aware of her status as the benchmark for 'normal' in this house, and it will be a cold day in hell before Holly Kujo doesn't listen to her heart before anything or anyone else. And it hurts to think that no matter how much she might love these boys, no matter how much she might care, the difference in their experiences will likely always stand as a gulf between them. She can see the other shore, but she can't cross it, not on her own.
But this...]
It's okay. I'm happy to be a sounding board if that's what you need.
[This is a piece of driftwood washing up on her beach, something that, perhaps one day, she can use to make a raft.]
But I think I understand. You told me he keeps you yourself, but to do that, he has to know who "yourself" is, maybe even better than you do. And not having that understanding... it's like a melody without its harmony. The piece can still work with a strong beat and support, and it might even sound good, especially to ears that aren't trained for that sort of thing. But it'll still feel a little hollow, or off balance.
[Her expression relaxes as she speaks, some of that melancholy in her eyes transformed into nostalgic wistfulness. One can get the sense she's thought about this quite a bit.]
Does that sound about right?
But this...]
It's okay. I'm happy to be a sounding board if that's what you need.
[This is a piece of driftwood washing up on her beach, something that, perhaps one day, she can use to make a raft.]
But I think I understand. You told me he keeps you yourself, but to do that, he has to know who "yourself" is, maybe even better than you do. And not having that understanding... it's like a melody without its harmony. The piece can still work with a strong beat and support, and it might even sound good, especially to ears that aren't trained for that sort of thing. But it'll still feel a little hollow, or off balance.
[Her expression relaxes as she speaks, some of that melancholy in her eyes transformed into nostalgic wistfulness. One can get the sense she's thought about this quite a bit.]
Does that sound about right?
[His mouth is pinched, listening to her speak, watching her relax, sink into a pain that she knows well. She's right, of course she is, but that's not what bothers him. Really, it's a relief to have someone see him.]
[It's just that she's hurting. And why wouldn't she be? He curses himself under his breath in the next moment, scowling down at his fists clenched in his lap. This is why he doesn't feel things where other people can see; it only ends in unnecessary pain. Of course she's hurting, the same hurt he has but protracted over months, years maybe, far too long, and he's the one moping like a child.]
Yes, but . . . I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I should be behaving better than this.
[It's just that she's hurting. And why wouldn't she be? He curses himself under his breath in the next moment, scowling down at his fists clenched in his lap. This is why he doesn't feel things where other people can see; it only ends in unnecessary pain. Of course she's hurting, the same hurt he has but protracted over months, years maybe, far too long, and he's the one moping like a child.]
Yes, but . . . I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I should be behaving better than this.
[His immediate reaction surprises her - the frown, the muffled curse, all of it shocking that bittersweet smile off her face. This isn't what she intended.]
You don't need to apologize. I wouldn't have done anything, if I didn't want to try to help.
[Try being the operative word. A piece of driftwood is still a piece of driftwood until it gets whittled down into something seaworthy.]
... Even if you were "behaving better," I wouldn't be able to stop myself from worrying. Because I know how that loneliness feels, and it must be all the more intense for you, with what you've gone through together. [And without the buffers of age, or communication...] So, what I'm trying to say is... if you want to talk about it, I'm offering time and an open ear.
But if not, that's okay too. The offer will be on the table no matter what.
You don't need to apologize. I wouldn't have done anything, if I didn't want to try to help.
[Try being the operative word. A piece of driftwood is still a piece of driftwood until it gets whittled down into something seaworthy.]
... Even if you were "behaving better," I wouldn't be able to stop myself from worrying. Because I know how that loneliness feels, and it must be all the more intense for you, with what you've gone through together. [And without the buffers of age, or communication...] So, what I'm trying to say is... if you want to talk about it, I'm offering time and an open ear.
But if not, that's okay too. The offer will be on the table no matter what.
It's for girls. Girls give chocolate to the guys they like, and then a month later the guys pay it back.
So I don't want to make him feel like I think he's the girl, but I don't want to make it seem like I am either.
...
I don't know how it's supposed to work when we're both guys.
So I don't want to make him feel like I think he's the girl, but I don't want to make it seem like I am either.
...
I don't know how it's supposed to work when we're both guys.
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