ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

[digiorno]

buongiorno! sorry i missed you; i'll happily get back to you as soon as i'm done with whatever business i'm on. leave a message!

( text | voice | video )

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Comments

[berrynice]

[It's true, what he says. She's very much aware of her status as the benchmark for 'normal' in this house, and it will be a cold day in hell before Holly Kujo doesn't listen to her heart before anything or anyone else. And it hurts to think that no matter how much she might love these boys, no matter how much she might care, the difference in their experiences will likely always stand as a gulf between them. She can see the other shore, but she can't cross it, not on her own.

But this...]

It's okay. I'm happy to be a sounding board if that's what you need.

[This is a piece of driftwood washing up on her beach, something that, perhaps one day, she can use to make a raft.]

But I think I understand. You told me he keeps you yourself, but to do that, he has to know who "yourself" is, maybe even better than you do. And not having that understanding... it's like a melody without its harmony. The piece can still work with a strong beat and support, and it might even sound good, especially to ears that aren't trained for that sort of thing. But it'll still feel a little hollow, or off balance.

[Her expression relaxes as she speaks, some of that melancholy in her eyes transformed into nostalgic wistfulness. One can get the sense she's thought about this quite a bit.]

Does that sound about right?

[digiorno]

[His mouth is pinched, listening to her speak, watching her relax, sink into a pain that she knows well. She's right, of course she is, but that's not what bothers him. Really, it's a relief to have someone see him.]

[It's just that she's hurting. And why wouldn't she be? He curses himself under his breath in the next moment, scowling down at his fists clenched in his lap. This is why he doesn't feel things where other people can see; it only ends in unnecessary pain. Of course she's hurting, the same hurt he has but protracted over months, years maybe, far too long, and he's the one moping like a child.]

Yes, but . . . I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I should be behaving better than this.

[berrynice]

[His immediate reaction surprises her - the frown, the muffled curse, all of it shocking that bittersweet smile off her face. This isn't what she intended.]

You don't need to apologize. I wouldn't have done anything, if I didn't want to try to help.

[Try being the operative word. A piece of driftwood is still a piece of driftwood until it gets whittled down into something seaworthy.]

... Even if you were "behaving better," I wouldn't be able to stop myself from worrying. Because I know how that loneliness feels, and it must be all the more intense for you, with what you've gone through together. [And without the buffers of age, or communication...] So, what I'm trying to say is... if you want to talk about it, I'm offering time and an open ear.

But if not, that's okay too. The offer will be on the table no matter what.