digiorno | ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

Because I think that I am the kind of person with a skewed perspective on the idea.

Well, so am I. I think that makes your opinion even more valuable, really.

[. . .]

I think it isn't selfish to want people to care about you.

Even if it feels like it must be.

I think I believe that.

But that's really an answer to a different question, isn't it? I know some things aren't selfish. I just don't know what is.

I'm still trying to learn that one.

And I'm not too sure what would be selfish if not that.

What about wanting to not care about some things? Trying not to?

I don't know. I guess it'd depend on what one didn't want to care about.

Things that hurt. Emotionally, not physically.

If it's a matter of not wanting to be in pain, it would be difficult for me to call that 'selfish' at all.

Even if it comes at the expense of other people? Shutting yourself off like that.

That's

it's not easy to say. There are a lot of things I'm trying to figure out lately, and that might be one of them. I don't believe that it's selfish to want to not be in pain, but when it comes to something like that I don't know how to define it in terms of what is or isn't 'selfish'.

I can only say what I think is 'better', and in that case I know that it's better to hurt with other people than to hurt all on your own.

That's true. Hurting with other people and not alone, I mean. Honestly I don't know if I even could stop feeling any of the things I feel no matter how much I wanted to, but I wasn't sure if even just the thought of it was the bad kind of selfish.

Dio found out that I was upset about something and he said I should be more selfish. So it's something I'm thinking about. Him and me and selfishness and what it all means. Because I think at the very least that he's right that I can't do what I'm doing forever.

I don't need an answer or anything like that. I was just looking for perspective.

I don't think that either of us can. Keep going like this, I mean. I've been trying not to be what I perceived as 'selfish', and it's just turned me into kind of a mess. I keep shutting myself off like you said, and I don't think that's the right approach.

Jojo was pretty upset when we finally talked about this whole thing. He said something like 'it seems like nobody hurts you more than you hurt yourself.' I'm going to have to change something. Somehow. I don't really know how or what just yet.

[Oh, good. Let's talk about Captain Helpful, Dio Brando.]

...How's he doing?

[...an attempt was made.]

I'm glad he finally said that. It seems as though he's been thinking it for a while. He's definitely been worried for a while.

. . . You don't have to do that, you know.

I know he has, now. I'm going to try to make it so he doesn't have to worry like that anymore.

...Just let me make the attempt, okay? I'm not trying to be insincere or fish for information, just

I don't know. You don't have to humor me if you'd rather not, I'll understand.

It's not humoring you. I just don't want you to push yourself to do something that makes you uncomfortable.

Can I ask why you're asking?

We never knew him as something human in any sense of the word. I doubt Jotaro wants to change that and he's probably right not to.

I don't give second chances easily, but I just can't hold a preteen kid accountable for all of that. Even if I won't forgive or forget what he turned into and we'll almost certainly never get along, I guess I want to try to understand what kind of person he is now.

There's not much else to call it but 'curiosity', to answer your question.

That's an understandable reason.

I think he's doing better, then. I think getting him away for a while was a good idea. I think he's had trouble figuring out who he is when he's not trying to be a Joestar or trying not to be a Brando. So it was good for him to just be whoever he is for a few days.

He's learning Italian. I didn't know he was, he just sort of sprung it on me. And he hit me with a pillow.

[That sounded almost comically surreal. Kakyoin didn't know if he could reconcile Dio with Dio, a conflicted kid that got into pillow fights and the monster that had done more than he cared to list.]

[He didn't think he was capable of giving Dio anything resembling a 'second chance'. But that left Kakyoin with an abundance of hatred and a wrong target for it, so what else was left but to attempt coexisting?]

That's good to hear, I think. It's something.

It's weird as shit, Kakyoin.

I was trying to be nice.

It's weird, but I'd prefer that over a minuscule psychopath-in-training.

You don't have to be. Nice is overrated.

Don't get me wrong, I think he's still dangerous. But I think he's starting to remember what trusting is like, and that's important.

I'm not remotely about to think of him as 'not dangerous'and most likely never will. But 'less dangerous than he could be' is still a step in a direction I won't object to.

I suppose what I mean is I'm not going to do anything careless.

You're not a careless person, Giorno. I trust you.

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