people are difficult and complicated sometimes. it's frustrating. bruno helped me figure it out a little better but it still seems terribly arbitrary sometimes. i know more about how fugo reacts to this particular subject because i've lived with him and fought with him, but there's really no way you could know.
i don't think it's selfish. i like being people's favorite too. it's the best thing! being people's favorite and helping people are both the best things.
some people can see the world laid out like a chart across the sky in dotted lines and arrows and circles. i wish i could see everything like that. it would certainly make things easier! well. easier in some ways but much harder in others, though i guess most everything is like that, if you really think about it.
sometimes being people's favorite can have its drawbacks, but i think being gold experience's favorite is a good thing. some people want you to feel special for unspecial means i guess
i don't think we see things exactly the same way, but. i don't know. i respect you very much, however you see the world, and sometimes it feels as though you see it closer to the way i see it than anyone i've ever met. it feels very safe.
i wish that weren't true but it is. gold experience isn't like that, though. i don't think he ever wants to hurt anyone. he wants things to be better, not worse.
nobody's ever really told me that, i think. i have never ever seen the world Right. and i guess that's my fault but i'm glad you feel that way because then it doesn't feel like it's ONLY my fault, which is not a good way of putting it, but i'm not a very smart person so i guess that evens out. i'm sure you can think of a pretty way to say that i don't feel as alone
gold experience has good intentions i think. he likes flowers. and plants. and gardening. bad people don't like gardening, bad people like deserts and death and blood and viscera
. . . maybe i shouldn't say this. i'm not really an expert about what way is the right way to do anything. i just have a lot of opinions about it. and one of my opinions is that there isn't a right way, there's just a way that most people see the world, but something being in the majority doesn't make it Right. the way you see the world seems right for you, to me, because you are the right kind of carlos to me, and i like you how you are. i like the way you say things too. i like that you say "i don't feel as alone" because sometimes it's better that things are a little more straightforward like that.
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if there were bad people here who liked those things, would you tell me?
sometimes it's hard to tell what's Right for me, though. sometimes i feel like i unsettle myself with the way i think, and i don't like that at all, but i guess that's a normal feeling. well, not a common Feeling, but a normal Reaction, and so it's not that weird. strange things happen to people but people are only made strange by how they react to them, and i try and react consistently. i feel like that's a good goal to have. i might not be nice or even tolerable but as long as i keep consistency in my life, i can be somewhat normal
i think it would be frightening not to react constantly. what if you miss something? it would be horrible. but i don't think i'm very normal, so maybe i shouldn't compare myself to anyone. i'm just me, whatever kind of strange thing that is. i always react to you like you're nice. you're one of the nicest people i know. or have ever known.
but if there was would you tell me? i'm a little scared that you wouldn't.
i think "normal" is fairly arbitrary, but what you're saying makes sense, so i guess that's good enough??? i've been told i'm irrational, so maybe don't count on my opinion OR my niceness too much. but i do try and be helpful, and i can't really be faulted for that, i think. i hope not, anyways. it's hard to be helpful and also be a jerk
i don't know if i'd be able to tell you. mostly in the psychological sense. but we'll see (or not, hopefully)
yeah uh! i wanted to see purple haze. or at least learn some more about it
but fugo was like "nooo i am too powerful, he is not a fun stand, i have no sense of scientific advancement" and then i talked to kakyoin and HE was like "carlos...you can't just push people around like that you asshole" except it was like 10x longer because he talks a lot. anyways i'm kinda miffed but them's the breaks
oh? kakyoin is angry with you? this is a subject close to his heart, i suppose.
i'm not angry with you. i understand your point. and i'll talk to fugo, all right? but i won't push him either. i'll just explain who you are and why you're someone to be trusted.
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i don't think it's selfish. i like being people's favorite too. it's the best thing! being people's favorite and helping people are both the best things.
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sometimes being people's favorite can have its drawbacks, but i think being gold experience's favorite is a good thing. some people want you to feel special for unspecial means i guess
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i wish that weren't true but it is. gold experience isn't like that, though. i don't think he ever wants to hurt anyone. he wants things to be better, not worse.
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gold experience has good intentions i think. he likes flowers. and plants. and gardening. bad people don't like gardening, bad people like deserts and death and blood and viscera
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[. . .]
if there were bad people here who liked those things, would you tell me?
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there's nobody like that here i don't think. yet
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but if there was would you tell me? i'm a little scared that you wouldn't.
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i don't know if i'd be able to tell you. mostly in the psychological sense. but we'll see (or not, hopefully)
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hopefully not. it's just that you matter a lot to me and so i don't want you to feel alone when you're upset, that's all.
but anyway we've sort of gotten off the point i think. which was you learning things? about stands? i think.
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but fugo was like "nooo i am too powerful, he is not a fun stand, i have no sense of scientific advancement" and then i talked to kakyoin and HE was like "carlos...you can't just push people around like that you asshole" except it was like 10x longer because he talks a lot. anyways i'm kinda miffed but them's the breaks
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i'm not angry with you. i understand your point. and i'll talk to fugo, all right? but i won't push him either. i'll just explain who you are and why you're someone to be trusted.
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and yeah, he...like, seriously lost it in my general direction? which, i mean. i guess i was being pretty terrible, so that evens out