[Polnareff's fingers brush his cheek — and it's not that, it's the words, those are what make him flinch away.]
Don't. Don't, don't do that, don't say that. It's not true.
[It's not. Blood matters. Everything else matters, too, but that doesn't make legacy meaningless.]
[Now he looks away, at the opposite wall, reaches his hand out sideways until the tips of his fingers touch the bear's feet where it rests against his pillow. It's been a comfort to him, in a way that would embarrass someone who knew to be embarrassed about that. But Giorno doesn't.]
I understand what you're trying to do. Everyone tries to do that, especially at the beginning when they first find out. "Just because you're Dio's son doesn't make you a bad person, don't worry, you're not like him at all. You're good, you're a good person, I wouldn't believe you were the child of a monster if you hadn't told me."
That's not true.
[His fingers clench into fists, one on his lap and one on the bedspread. God, he never knows how to explain this, it seems so simple in his head and so bafflingly complicated to everyone else —]
When I said I treated him as a cautionary tale, I meant it. There are things he did that I would never do. But there were things he did that he simply did poorly. He was a bad leader. He was sloppy. He let emotion get the better of him, and that's why he lost.
We were both the same children. Just alike. One pushed one way, the other a different way. Some of it was chance and luck, but some of it was blood. And him and I — ambition comes from somewhere. You must know. The urge for power comes from the need to never be powerless again. Ambition is born from fear.
[Now he looks at Polnareff again, and his eyes are steel even though he smells like flowers and looks like a boy carved out of stone and given life. He doesn't look angry. He doesn't look like he has enough feeling in him to be angry.]
I'm not a bad person. I'm not a good person, either. I want things to be how I want them — people, too — and I'm willing to go quite a long way to make that happen. I'm a liar. I'm manipulative. I'm shockingly vain. And I'm not ashamed of any of that. It's who I am. But there's no reason to act as though those parts of me don't come from somewhere, just the same way the brighter parts of me don't come from somewhere, too.
I'm my fathers' son. Both of them. I want none of that erased. I want to be known for what I am, not just the parts of me that people want to see.
no subject
Don't. Don't, don't do that, don't say that. It's not true.
[It's not. Blood matters. Everything else matters, too, but that doesn't make legacy meaningless.]
[Now he looks away, at the opposite wall, reaches his hand out sideways until the tips of his fingers touch the bear's feet where it rests against his pillow. It's been a comfort to him, in a way that would embarrass someone who knew to be embarrassed about that. But Giorno doesn't.]
I understand what you're trying to do. Everyone tries to do that, especially at the beginning when they first find out. "Just because you're Dio's son doesn't make you a bad person, don't worry, you're not like him at all. You're good, you're a good person, I wouldn't believe you were the child of a monster if you hadn't told me."
That's not true.
[His fingers clench into fists, one on his lap and one on the bedspread. God, he never knows how to explain this, it seems so simple in his head and so bafflingly complicated to everyone else —]
When I said I treated him as a cautionary tale, I meant it. There are things he did that I would never do. But there were things he did that he simply did poorly. He was a bad leader. He was sloppy. He let emotion get the better of him, and that's why he lost.
We were both the same children. Just alike. One pushed one way, the other a different way. Some of it was chance and luck, but some of it was blood. And him and I — ambition comes from somewhere. You must know. The urge for power comes from the need to never be powerless again. Ambition is born from fear.
[Now he looks at Polnareff again, and his eyes are steel even though he smells like flowers and looks like a boy carved out of stone and given life. He doesn't look angry. He doesn't look like he has enough feeling in him to be angry.]
I'm not a bad person. I'm not a good person, either. I want things to be how I want them — people, too — and I'm willing to go quite a long way to make that happen. I'm a liar. I'm manipulative. I'm shockingly vain. And I'm not ashamed of any of that. It's who I am. But there's no reason to act as though those parts of me don't come from somewhere, just the same way the brighter parts of me don't come from somewhere, too.
I'm my fathers' son. Both of them. I want none of that erased. I want to be known for what I am, not just the parts of me that people want to see.