![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Well, I figured that he had the capacity to, but not the willingness or knowledge of exactly how to go about it! That's why, you know, I figured it would be kinda easy to show him how to text and all. But...
[He lapses back into a contemplative silence, glancing over at the paper. For a moment, his brow furrows, and he awkwardly stands to cast a worried look at Giorno.]
If you're...messing with me, you can stop now, okay? I'm not--that's not a judgement of you personally, I just...you know. I like to be in on things as opposed to not, when it comes down to it. But if you're not just doing this, there's an "e" in "prune" that he left off, can you tell him that?
[Briefly, there's a glimpse of a different Carlos, one that's not inclined to take people at their face value. While he's certainly out of the lethargic part of the mood shift, something still remains--something that's been fooled one too many times.]
[He lapses back into a contemplative silence, glancing over at the paper. For a moment, his brow furrows, and he awkwardly stands to cast a worried look at Giorno.]
If you're...messing with me, you can stop now, okay? I'm not--that's not a judgement of you personally, I just...you know. I like to be in on things as opposed to not, when it comes down to it. But if you're not just doing this, there's an "e" in "prune" that he left off, can you tell him that?
[Briefly, there's a glimpse of a different Carlos, one that's not inclined to take people at their face value. While he's certainly out of the lethargic part of the mood shift, something still remains--something that's been fooled one too many times.]
[The instinct, again, is to become indignant. Offended. To say he would never and that's not fair. But the thing is that it sort of is, in its way, because that's the kind of thing he does. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not, but he does, because . . . he wants the best for the people who are his, whether or not it's truthful.]
[He can't fault Carlos for having good instincts.]
[So he swallows down the hurt and just shakes his head instead.]
I've always known he had some level of independent . . . thought, or perspective. But it was never so pronounced at home. Not until he saw Star Platinum, and I don't know if he's just imitating or not, but.
[But Star never wrote anything down. He drew and texted and had cards, but not this.]
[Giorno fiddles with the end of his braid, brow furrowed.]
I think I treat other people's Stands . . . differently than I do him . . . and maybe that's why, because he never had a reason to think anyone was interested in listening, so.
So maybe you should tell him yourself. Since he can understand.
[He can't fault Carlos for having good instincts.]
[So he swallows down the hurt and just shakes his head instead.]
I've always known he had some level of independent . . . thought, or perspective. But it was never so pronounced at home. Not until he saw Star Platinum, and I don't know if he's just imitating or not, but.
[But Star never wrote anything down. He drew and texted and had cards, but not this.]
[Giorno fiddles with the end of his braid, brow furrowed.]
I think I treat other people's Stands . . . differently than I do him . . . and maybe that's why, because he never had a reason to think anyone was interested in listening, so.
So maybe you should tell him yourself. Since he can understand.
[There's a moment more of wariness before he eases back into smiling gently at Gold Experience. Now that he knows there's someone in there listening, it makes his one-sided conversations a bit less aimless.]
Well, he's very smart. You're very smart. And only one spelling mistake, too! Very, very smart.
[Oh, you bet he's going to spoil the Stand rotten.]
Do you not talk to him often, Giorno? I guess it's like any being in your care: you have to listen to it. Like dogs, or children, or angels. That's what I've heard, anyways--and it does make sense. I bet he's rather lonely.
[He says this very matter-of-factly, before edging back towards a more sympathetic tone.]
Are you lonely, Gold Experience?
Well, he's very smart. You're very smart. And only one spelling mistake, too! Very, very smart.
[Oh, you bet he's going to spoil the Stand rotten.]
Do you not talk to him often, Giorno? I guess it's like any being in your care: you have to listen to it. Like dogs, or children, or angels. That's what I've heard, anyways--and it does make sense. I bet he's rather lonely.
[He says this very matter-of-factly, before edging back towards a more sympathetic tone.]
Are you lonely, Gold Experience?
...oh
i said that weird hang on
no i just meant the idea of it doesn't faze me as much as it would for some people maybe, like maybe that's my personal not-average or not-normal thing
mista is one of those people that i like a lot even when i'm not getting along with him. like the not getting along part somehow never reaches or touches the constant of liking him
and he makes you happy
and i have a feeling he needs you like you need him
so yeah
i want him as family
i mean that's not like the justification for WHY he's family but those are all things i think about him and it feels right to say "yes, he is" so that's that, for me
i said that weird hang on
no i just meant the idea of it doesn't faze me as much as it would for some people maybe, like maybe that's my personal not-average or not-normal thing
mista is one of those people that i like a lot even when i'm not getting along with him. like the not getting along part somehow never reaches or touches the constant of liking him
and he makes you happy
and i have a feeling he needs you like you need him
so yeah
i want him as family
i mean that's not like the justification for WHY he's family but those are all things i think about him and it feels right to say "yes, he is" so that's that, for me
[It's odd. Well — to start with it's odd. There's a rush of emotion, and he's not sure . . . he thinks it might be because before Gold Experience didn't think anyone was listening, and now he knows someone is. Maybe that's it. But either way it's as though some block has been removed, some clog in the pipes, and—]
[It hurts. It's surprising at first, and just that, the strength with which Gold Experience pinballs from one thing to the next, uncertain and unregulated: disbelief that praise is being directed his way; delight in the next moment so bright it burns under Giorno's skin; a guilty metaphysical flex at in your care because Gold Experience knows, of course he does, he knows what he is and he knows what Giorno would rather he was, he's very, very smart.]
[And then: Are you lonely, Gold Experience?]
[Which hurts the worst. Not because it surprises him, but because it's so familiar. It settles into the grooves of pain in the back of his mind and the depths of his bones, because yes, oh yes, Gold Experience is lonely. And Giorno is lonely, with scars of loneliness on the inside of every nerve, but Gold Experience is a walking wound, open and oozing.]
[His Stand, shining, unblinking, shy and lonely, stares up at Carlos and nods, transfixed. And Giorno closes his eyes and shudders in the waves of pain, the thick isolation like treacle in the back of his throat, and covers his mouth with a shaking hand.]
[It takes him a moment, and even when words come through his fingers, they're uncharacteristically rough and bitter and flat.]
He's not in my care. He's just me.
[It hurts. It's surprising at first, and just that, the strength with which Gold Experience pinballs from one thing to the next, uncertain and unregulated: disbelief that praise is being directed his way; delight in the next moment so bright it burns under Giorno's skin; a guilty metaphysical flex at in your care because Gold Experience knows, of course he does, he knows what he is and he knows what Giorno would rather he was, he's very, very smart.]
[And then: Are you lonely, Gold Experience?]
[Which hurts the worst. Not because it surprises him, but because it's so familiar. It settles into the grooves of pain in the back of his mind and the depths of his bones, because yes, oh yes, Gold Experience is lonely. And Giorno is lonely, with scars of loneliness on the inside of every nerve, but Gold Experience is a walking wound, open and oozing.]
[His Stand, shining, unblinking, shy and lonely, stares up at Carlos and nods, transfixed. And Giorno closes his eyes and shudders in the waves of pain, the thick isolation like treacle in the back of his throat, and covers his mouth with a shaking hand.]
[It takes him a moment, and even when words come through his fingers, they're uncharacteristically rough and bitter and flat.]
He's not in my care. He's just me.
okay
your grandfather and i sort of had a fight
and by sort of i mean we definitely did, a lot
and i didn't tell you at the time because i didn't want to talk about it but also i didn't want you to feel like you had to get in the middle of it because
i don't want to make you feel like you have to choose
and um we talked recently and i think things are okay now but
i thought you should know, since it's not awful anymore
your grandfather and i sort of had a fight
and by sort of i mean we definitely did, a lot
and i didn't tell you at the time because i didn't want to talk about it but also i didn't want you to feel like you had to get in the middle of it because
i don't want to make you feel like you have to choose
and um we talked recently and i think things are okay now but
i thought you should know, since it's not awful anymore
[For a moment, he's still smiling, not truly processing the greater meaning of such a simple gesture. It's just another problem to be solved: Gold Experience is lonely, so Gold Experience needs company. Carlos's plants are dying, so Carlos needs help in the lab. A is having difficulties, so b should be executed to solve them. It's all very simple, really, until Giorno breaks his focus.]
[Oh.]
[Of course, the emotional transference is to be expected. He knows that Stands and their users weren't easily separated, in every meaning of the phrase, and that the Stand is the manifestation of the soul. These were scientific facts, and he knows them to be true. Processing this into a more practical setting, however, is something he's always struggled with--if a does something in theory, then b does something in the real world. Whatever. His grasp on real world mechanics is tenuous enough, but this is something important.]
[Carlos jerks his head up to look at Giorno, very slowly standing once more. He's just me. The implications there are both obvious and earth-shattering simultaneously, and it takes him a moment to consider his options.]
...Are you lonely, Giorno?
[He knows the answer, but it seems polite to confirm. Rational, even. Alarmingly quickly, his grasp on the situation is faltering, and he refuses to let another person wilt in his care. He's not going to have another Kevin, another Jackie Fierro, another goddamn Apache Tracker, if he can help it. But for now, it's just waiting for something to click, waiting for the prominent feeling of nausea to subside.]
[Oh.]
[Of course, the emotional transference is to be expected. He knows that Stands and their users weren't easily separated, in every meaning of the phrase, and that the Stand is the manifestation of the soul. These were scientific facts, and he knows them to be true. Processing this into a more practical setting, however, is something he's always struggled with--if a does something in theory, then b does something in the real world. Whatever. His grasp on real world mechanics is tenuous enough, but this is something important.]
[Carlos jerks his head up to look at Giorno, very slowly standing once more. He's just me. The implications there are both obvious and earth-shattering simultaneously, and it takes him a moment to consider his options.]
...Are you lonely, Giorno?
[He knows the answer, but it seems polite to confirm. Rational, even. Alarmingly quickly, his grasp on the situation is faltering, and he refuses to let another person wilt in his care. He's not going to have another Kevin, another Jackie Fierro, another goddamn Apache Tracker, if he can help it. But for now, it's just waiting for something to click, waiting for the prominent feeling of nausea to subside.]
...i think i can guess what you fought about
he blew up at kakyoin too at one point
i'm not mad
he asked me about you at one point and kind of did that, got me caught in the middle a little bit. but there are a lot of things about jiji that sometimes make me feel that way.
sometimes there are problems and i love everyone on every side of the problem, so that just means i can't and shouldn't get involved. and that's ok, i think.
he blew up at kakyoin too at one point
i'm not mad
he asked me about you at one point and kind of did that, got me caught in the middle a little bit. but there are a lot of things about jiji that sometimes make me feel that way.
sometimes there are problems and i love everyone on every side of the problem, so that just means i can't and shouldn't get involved. and that's ok, i think.
i know he did
i was there
and of course you know what it was, it's what i thought it would be
it's not as though i didn't expect it and i wasn't really on my best behavior because i was
scared? i think
which is strange to say but he's loud
i'm sorry he asked about me, i don't want you to . . . well. it's good loving lots of people but hard sometimes. but there are a lot of people who have enough reason to hate me for what i am so i don't want you to have to choose in those kinds of situations.
i was there
and of course you know what it was, it's what i thought it would be
it's not as though i didn't expect it and i wasn't really on my best behavior because i was
scared? i think
which is strange to say but he's loud
i'm sorry he asked about me, i don't want you to . . . well. it's good loving lots of people but hard sometimes. but there are a lot of people who have enough reason to hate me for what i am so i don't want you to have to choose in those kinds of situations.
Yes, Papa, but you are pretty messed up.
[He says this in an extremely blase way, but. Well. Talking about Sherry is better.]
Um, I should have made red ones! If those are her favorite. I just thought about this color because you said gold is your favorite. She sounds perfect, I don't — I never had a sibling before Jotaro. But it sounds nice.
[He says this in an extremely blase way, but. Well. Talking about Sherry is better.]
Um, I should have made red ones! If those are her favorite. I just thought about this color because you said gold is your favorite. She sounds perfect, I don't — I never had a sibling before Jotaro. But it sounds nice.
I dunno about perfect, she fed my fish to her stupid cat once . . .
[But perfect in Giorno terms, maybe. And even as he says that, he's grinning fiercely-- no matter what, he'll always want to talk about Sherry. It hurts, but when doesn't it? At least this way he can share the good parts with someone else.]
She was smart. Smarter than me, she-- we lived together, just she and I, for a bit, she was always the one going over the books. I wish I had a picture to show you, she didn't look anything like me, she took after Mama-- brown hair, all long and curly.
[But perfect in Giorno terms, maybe. And even as he says that, he's grinning fiercely-- no matter what, he'll always want to talk about Sherry. It hurts, but when doesn't it? At least this way he can share the good parts with someone else.]
She was smart. Smarter than me, she-- we lived together, just she and I, for a bit, she was always the one going over the books. I wish I had a picture to show you, she didn't look anything like me, she took after Mama-- brown hair, all long and curly.
Oh, do you — you look like your dad?
[He glances up at Polnareff curiously, trying to envision what his father might look like, or what parts of Polnareff's face might be hiding in Sherry's. Absently, he plays with the end of his hair and then seems to realize something.]
Did you do her hair when she was little?
[He glances up at Polnareff curiously, trying to envision what his father might look like, or what parts of Polnareff's face might be hiding in Sherry's. Absently, he plays with the end of his hair and then seems to realize something.]
Did you do her hair when she was little?
I-- sometimes. More when we were older, actually.
[He doesn't miss the way Giorno touches his own braid. Polnareff offers a slight smile.]
'S why I'm actually pretty decent at doing yours.
[And why he finds the entire ritual soothing, frankly.]
[He doesn't miss the way Giorno touches his own braid. Polnareff offers a slight smile.]
'S why I'm actually pretty decent at doing yours.
[And why he finds the entire ritual soothing, frankly.]
i appreciate that a lot
...
remember how we said one time, even when you and i might make different choices when it comes to methods and everything like that, that i always believe you don't want outcomes that end with me hurt?
for what it's worth
it's the same for me too. even when it involves the joestars. usually especially when it involves the joestars.
i think there's another subdivision we haven't talked about yet, family and famiglia but then also...
you and me and no one else
you and i are unique, i think, as ourselves and as an "us"
like a venn diagram with us at the center
you know?
...
remember how we said one time, even when you and i might make different choices when it comes to methods and everything like that, that i always believe you don't want outcomes that end with me hurt?
for what it's worth
it's the same for me too. even when it involves the joestars. usually especially when it involves the joestars.
i think there's another subdivision we haven't talked about yet, family and famiglia but then also...
you and me and no one else
you and i are unique, i think, as ourselves and as an "us"
like a venn diagram with us at the center
you know?
I sort of wondered. You don't have enough to do it yourself.
[Honestly, he's not sure how he feels about this, but . . . it's not bad? It's odd. Just odd, that's all. He looks down at his braid, like he's inspecting it for split ends.]
Do you . . . well. Tell me more about her, maybe?
[Honestly, he's not sure how he feels about this, but . . . it's not bad? It's odd. Just odd, that's all. He looks down at his braid, like he's inspecting it for split ends.]
Do you . . . well. Tell me more about her, maybe?
Do I--?
[He tips his head-- he can guess what Giorno might be thinking, and part of him wants to correct it, but he'll wait. He can talk more about her for a bit.]
Mm, let's see. She was a brat when we were younger, a bit, but I think . . . it was worse and better when it was just us, because all we had were each other, right? So we got closer, and she grew up more and so did I. She was always a cat person-- she had one official one when we were kids, but there were always a ton hanging around our house, because they knew she'd feed them.
Chariot liked her. I mean, of course he did, but-- I think even now he'd like her. She never could see him, of course, she thought I had an imaginary friend, but I had her thinking I was magic for years because of him.
[He tips his head-- he can guess what Giorno might be thinking, and part of him wants to correct it, but he'll wait. He can talk more about her for a bit.]
Mm, let's see. She was a brat when we were younger, a bit, but I think . . . it was worse and better when it was just us, because all we had were each other, right? So we got closer, and she grew up more and so did I. She was always a cat person-- she had one official one when we were kids, but there were always a ton hanging around our house, because they knew she'd feed them.
Chariot liked her. I mean, of course he did, but-- I think even now he'd like her. She never could see him, of course, she thought I had an imaginary friend, but I had her thinking I was magic for years because of him.
Page 32 of 54