digiorno | ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

Exactly. I don't expect us to be perfect, just functional. I think this group in general can manage that, most of the time.

[He brushed a hand over Giorno's hair, a featherlight touch like he was testing what he could get away with without explicit permission. God forbid he ruin what probably took hours in the morning, he'd probably have to deal with Gold Experience.]

Help me figure out how to talk to him without ending up provoking a fight or something, first of all. You're better at dealing with people than I am--especially him. I can't read him the way he is now, so I'm kind of at a loss.

[Nope, that was perfectly fine. His shoulders went a little stiff at first, just in surprise, but then he stilled and settled and closed his eyes, monitoring the world absently through Gold Experience's eyes.]

Well . . . it's important that you understand--

[He bit his lip. Just because he thought he knew something important about Dio didn't mean he had the right to share it. For that, whether he was right or wrong, Dio would never forgive him - and he would be right not to. There were limits, even for him. So, after a moment, he went a little more broad.]

If you can imagine the most frightened you've ever been, but all the time. It never stops, and you know it never will. And then finally you get free of it and you think you might be able to be somewhere better, and then all of a sudden something happens out of your control and you're right back where you started, or worse.

[So vulnerable.]

You can expect that he'll hardly ever tell the truth. You can expect that he'll want to control every situation if he possibly can. That's the only way he knows to feel safe.

I already expected that much from him--some things don't change, I guess.

[This was going to be nigh impossible. Frowning in thought, he delicately curled a few loose blond strands around his finger. Kakyoin was never all that open with physical affection, but...it was kind of easy when it was Giorno, open as he was about it.]

So basically what we talked about before--a cornered animal about to lash out at everyone that comes near it. In that case, the goal might be in giving him some kind of control over an uncontrollable situation. Right?

It's one of the ways he's not so different from me, I think. I only tell the truth to people who are close to me. The difference is that he isn't close to anyone.

[Yet. Yet. He couldn't think of Dio's fate as irrevocable; if he did, he'd go insane.]

[Not right now, though. Right now Kakyoin was here, so he'd be fine. He squeezed Hierophant again, content despite the subject at hand. Content, safe, secure. This was the only way to have conversations like this, he thought - with constant reassurance, one way or another, that everything would be all right.]

I think that's a good way of putting it. Allowing him to direct the conversation to some extent would be helpful. But, Kakyoin, pushing yourself wouldn't. I know you like to get things right, but you have to be careful for your own sake, too.

I know; I'm trying to figure this out so I can be careful. I'm hardly going to approach him outright, but the next time he talks to me I want a better handle on the situation.

[It was't his style to go into a situation without a plan, or to be unable to formulate one very quickly if he didn't. Knowing what angle to approach the situation from was vital; lay tripwires and tightropes to change the terrain and keep a safety net underneath him, even if he only did it through words and conversation.]

...Am I pushing myself?

[The question came honestly after a short hesitation--he wasn't sure anymore. And Kakyoin fully believed Giorno could see him far more clearly than he saw himself. The only person better at that was Jotaro, but asking him wasn't an option right now.]

Yes.

[He looked up at Kakyoin seriously, his eyes wide and grave.]

I've never known you not to push yourself, even for one second. That's one of the things I like a lot about you. But I think in this particular situation, that tendency is likely to put you in danger from yourself. You'll do well, see that as a sign to push yourself harder, and then become overwhelmed and frustrated because you weren't able to do everything all at once. Do you see what I mean?

...I think I understand.

[He glanced away, thoughtful rather than ashamed. He couldn't argue the point, but Kakyoin wasn't certain of what to do about that. If he was accomplishing something, wasn't it correct to continue and keep trying? Of course, but...no, Giorno was right as he so often was. Kakyoin would end up taking that to some extreme, push himself as hard as he could until he slammed headfirst into a wall.]

I'm just not certain I know how else to approach this.

. . . How about this: every week, you make a goal of one small new thing to try to do, or to try not to do. If you accomplish it that week, then you stop. You don't try to do something else. You just say "Good job, Kakyoin," and you let yourself be done.

If you don't accomplish it, then it rolls over to the next week, no penalties. The important thing is that after one you stop, though.

ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

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