[Somehow, the reassurance does help - well. It's not that much of a mystery, is it? When he's put in a position to make someone else feel safer, even if in the smallest way, it proves to him that he's capable. But this, all of this, is starting to make him wonder, the rest of the time.]
[It's not bad enough that he's ever going to doubt himself completely. His confidence is a double-backboned thing; it doesn't break under pressure, just bends. But there's still that part of him that was a sad dark-haired child with no friends and no reason to believe anyone would ever love him, and that part of him clings desperately and too tightly to what love the world chooses to push his way, for fear of it being ripped out of his hands.]
[He sighs, wishing he were closer to ready for bed so he could run his hands through his hair, some kind of fruitless self-soothing. Instead, he pulls the emerald ladybug out of his pocket and balances it between his fingers again. He really ought to get a chain for it, a setting, so he doesn't lose it. If he lost it, he'd be devastated.]
no subject
[Somehow, the reassurance does help - well. It's not that much of a mystery, is it? When he's put in a position to make someone else feel safer, even if in the smallest way, it proves to him that he's capable. But this, all of this, is starting to make him wonder, the rest of the time.]
[It's not bad enough that he's ever going to doubt himself completely. His confidence is a double-backboned thing; it doesn't break under pressure, just bends. But there's still that part of him that was a sad dark-haired child with no friends and no reason to believe anyone would ever love him, and that part of him clings desperately and too tightly to what love the world chooses to push his way, for fear of it being ripped out of his hands.]
[He sighs, wishing he were closer to ready for bed so he could run his hands through his hair, some kind of fruitless self-soothing. Instead, he pulls the emerald ladybug out of his pocket and balances it between his fingers again. He really ought to get a chain for it, a setting, so he doesn't lose it. If he lost it, he'd be devastated.]
I'm so tired of feeling like this.