[Breathing is hard. It's hard, and it hurts. He has to focus on it, in and out, before he can speak. Not that he knows what to say. Not that he knows anything right now, about himself or about what he's chosen to do. If it's right.]
[He wants Mista. He wants that safety, that security, to have someone close who believes in him no matter what. But he needs this.]
[In. Out.]
Yes. I.
I thought . . . Bruno wouldn't tell him. That he would wait. And it felt like a lie. And I was worried . . . I was scared that if he lied, that there wouldn't be any way to fix it. Because--
[Because Abbacchio has no love in his heart for anyone but Bruno. Certainly not for himself. If Bruno lied to him - logic says now that Abbacchio would try to understand, would trust that Bruno knew what he was doing. But in the moment, all he thought was that Abbacchio would pull away, and then he'd have no one.]
I just don't want him to be alone. I don't want either of them. To be alone. I was so happy to see him it hurt . . .
no subject
[Breathing is hard. It's hard, and it hurts. He has to focus on it, in and out, before he can speak. Not that he knows what to say. Not that he knows anything right now, about himself or about what he's chosen to do. If it's right.]
[He wants Mista. He wants that safety, that security, to have someone close who believes in him no matter what. But he needs this.]
[In. Out.]
Yes. I.
I thought . . . Bruno wouldn't tell him. That he would wait. And it felt like a lie. And I was worried . . . I was scared that if he lied, that there wouldn't be any way to fix it. Because--
[Because Abbacchio has no love in his heart for anyone but Bruno. Certainly not for himself. If Bruno lied to him - logic says now that Abbacchio would try to understand, would trust that Bruno knew what he was doing. But in the moment, all he thought was that Abbacchio would pull away, and then he'd have no one.]
I just don't want him to be alone. I don't want either of them. To be alone. I was so happy to see him it hurt . . .
I overcorrected.