...Because I didn't want to lose Giorno, from telling you how not to be Dio.
[God, do they ever look alike. Moreso now than ever, where both times he's been laid out and exhausted and it's always just the two of them, isn't it. It's always just the two of them, stopped time and restarted consequences, and he's always alone with it.
It's...something, though. Don't you think I know what that looks like? How out of place that sounds, because if Giorno were someone else that would've been exactly the point — looking dead, looking finished, the perfect cover to draw in an unsuspecting viper just close enough to smash his head in.
But Giorno cares. No one who cares has ever seen him do that.
Everybody...everybody would kill him if they saw him do that, wouldn't they? Kakyoin — christ, he wouldn't walk for a month if Kakyoin saw him do that. Jonathan would...shake him until his head rattled; Bruno, Nanna Lisa —
...His mom's not half a world away anymore. She's not dying if he doesn't push himself to his absolute limits and beyond. And he doesn't believe that Giorno would tell her (tattle on him, hadn't they joked about that once, don't be a snitch or I'll never trust you again), there's a moment where he envisions it, and shakes all over from the chill and the weight of the block of ice that drops into the pit of his stomach at the look on her face.
Jesus. Maybe Giorno is right — maybe he does need protecting, after all. Not from Dio, or his memories; from himself.
...And that makes all the difference, somehow, because if it were Dio or his memories he'd have the right to say no, that it's overstepping, that it's his to shoulder and conquer — but if he's the menace threatening himself, then Giorno has every right to stop him. Especially if he needs it.
Sometimes you can't tell when you need it; you need that person on the outside looking in, who can tell you so.
...It really does go both ways with them, doesn't it.]
...But that hurt you from trying not to hurt you.
[He closes his eyes, breathing in slowly.]
I did that once before. Not for the same reasons. He thought I was dead, but to make sure he listened for my heartbeat. Gio, he would've killed me if he'd heard one, I had to. He was going to cut my head off and I had to wait until he got close enough for Star to hit him.
[His brow furrows slightly; he frowns, shaking his head a little as he grits his teeth in the barest hint of frustration — probably with himself.]
I don't want our fight to stop like this. We're not done yet, I'm not done. I want to fight you, not ghosts. We're not done yet, if I'm a wreck and you're crying...if we stop here we'll never get out. I'll never get out.
I can't do it if it's anyone but you. So...I'm in your hands. If you say we're done — but if you say I've got another chance, I'm going to get up and keep fighting. Because I get it, now. What it means to see something and chase after it with everything you've got. Maybe I was wrong before...maybe I am fighting myself, too. But...that better me is waiting at the end of this. So please don't make me stop now.
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[God, do they ever look alike. Moreso now than ever, where both times he's been laid out and exhausted and it's always just the two of them, isn't it. It's always just the two of them, stopped time and restarted consequences, and he's always alone with it.
It's...something, though. Don't you think I know what that looks like? How out of place that sounds, because if Giorno were someone else that would've been exactly the point — looking dead, looking finished, the perfect cover to draw in an unsuspecting viper just close enough to smash his head in.
But Giorno cares. No one who cares has ever seen him do that.
Everybody...everybody would kill him if they saw him do that, wouldn't they? Kakyoin — christ, he wouldn't walk for a month if Kakyoin saw him do that. Jonathan would...shake him until his head rattled; Bruno, Nanna Lisa —
...His mom's not half a world away anymore. She's not dying if he doesn't push himself to his absolute limits and beyond. And he doesn't believe that Giorno would tell her (tattle on him, hadn't they joked about that once, don't be a snitch or I'll never trust you again), there's a moment where he envisions it, and shakes all over from the chill and the weight of the block of ice that drops into the pit of his stomach at the look on her face.
Jesus. Maybe Giorno is right — maybe he does need protecting, after all. Not from Dio, or his memories; from himself.
...And that makes all the difference, somehow, because if it were Dio or his memories he'd have the right to say no, that it's overstepping, that it's his to shoulder and conquer — but if he's the menace threatening himself, then Giorno has every right to stop him. Especially if he needs it.
Sometimes you can't tell when you need it; you need that person on the outside looking in, who can tell you so.
...It really does go both ways with them, doesn't it.]
...But that hurt you from trying not to hurt you.
[He closes his eyes, breathing in slowly.]
I did that once before. Not for the same reasons. He thought I was dead, but to make sure he listened for my heartbeat. Gio, he would've killed me if he'd heard one, I had to. He was going to cut my head off and I had to wait until he got close enough for Star to hit him.
[His brow furrows slightly; he frowns, shaking his head a little as he grits his teeth in the barest hint of frustration — probably with himself.]
I don't want our fight to stop like this. We're not done yet, I'm not done. I want to fight you, not ghosts. We're not done yet, if I'm a wreck and you're crying...if we stop here we'll never get out. I'll never get out.
I can't do it if it's anyone but you. So...I'm in your hands. If you say we're done — but if you say I've got another chance, I'm going to get up and keep fighting. Because I get it, now. What it means to see something and chase after it with everything you've got. Maybe I was wrong before...maybe I am fighting myself, too. But...that better me is waiting at the end of this. So please don't make me stop now.