ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ

[digiorno]

buongiorno! sorry i missed you; i'll happily get back to you as soon as i'm done with whatever business i'm on. leave a message!

( text | voice | video )

⇦ ● ⇨

Comments

[lapidarius]

You and I both know you don't need me to answer that.

I never would.

[digiorno]

So tell me. Do you need to be alone right now, or do you need to not be alone?

[lapidarius]

I don't know.

[digiorno]

Will you let me help you figure it out?

[lapidarius]

I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like nothing but trouble for everyone I care about.

I don't want you to go out of your way when I'm sure you have enough to work out right now.

[digiorno]

My workload is shrinking disastrously. People come and stay for a while and then they go. You are one of the few constants in my life right now, Kakyoin - someone solid, not shifting sand underfoot. You are never a burden to me, only a joy.

You know I wouldn't lie to you.

[lapidarius]

I know that you wouldn't. And I know that we'd be a mess without you. All of us. You're the best support any of us have, and if I can do the same for you then you know I would in a second.

[That seemed like all he was going to say, and then:]

i'm just so goddamn tired, giorno. i'm so tired of everything imploding when it seems for a minute like we'll all be okay. i'm tired of wondering if i'm going to end up the only one of us here again, or if i'll disappear first.

i'm so tired of feeling so miserable.

[digiorno]

Will you tell me where you are? Please. For me. I'll worry if you don't.

[lapidarius]

I'm okay, Giorno. I'm back at home in the library.

[digiorno]

If you're miserable, you're not okay. It's not okay with me.

[lapidarius]

I'm not-

'Miserable' wasn't the right word. I'm happy that we're here together even if it's not exactly perfect in any possible definition of the word. I can't say that I'm miserable knowing what my alternative is.

I just hate that I feel like everything I do is screwing up one way or another. I hate feeling afraid that either I or the rest of you will just disappear without warning.

[digiorno]

I think you can be miserable and happy at the same time. I often am.

[lapidarius]

What do you do about it when you are?

[digiorno]

[For a few moments, there's no response. And then comes the quiet scrape of a chair as Giorno pulls it up alongside Kakyoin, sits carefully, and nudges him with his shoulder.]

Generally, Kakyoin, I just lie. It doesn't work very well.

[lapidarius]

I'm not very good at lying, I'm afraid.

[digiorno]

That's probably for the best. If you're too good at lying, then people start to believe you.

[He holds his arm out.]

Come here?

[lapidarius]

[Usually Kakyoin would have been more reserved than that.]

[But forget it. Right now, he'd throw that aside and just give Giorno a hug.]

[digiorno]

There you are. You're all right.

[Pulling Kakyoin close, he rubs absently at his shoulder and nods.]

You're not alone, Noriaki. Trust me on that.

[lapidarius]

...I know. I just...I'm sorry. I really screwed this whole thing up.

[digiorno]

You made mistakes. But mistakes aren't enough to ruin everything.

We're not fighting for our lives anymore, Kakyoin. Even if people are upset or angry, they won't be forever. Your family loves you no matter what. Love is unconditional. That's what we give you, and that's what you give us back.

[lapidarius]

You're really-...

You're not...upset about this? Any of it?

[digiorno]

. . . No, Kakyoin, I'm not. I'm just.

[He sighs, rubs at the side of his neck.]

Tired. Frazzled. Sad. I was frightened and that made all of those things worse. And I'm frustrated because I allowed myself to be frightened. And I'm lonely. But I'm not upset with you.

[lapidarius]

...I'll listen, if you want to talk.

Please. Just...let me worry about you for a few minutes instead of the reverse.

[digiorno]

I don't know. It's not as though there's much to talk about. I want Mista. I want everyone back, but I feel off-balance and . . . angry, generally, without him.

[Shrugging, he cards his fingers lightly through the back of Kakyoin's hair.]

It's not a solvable problem.

[lapidarius]

I know. I wish that there was more I could do to help, but there's just...nothing to do about it whatsoever.

[Kakyoin sighed, head dropping to Giorno's shoulder.]

I'm sorry. I don't really know what to do anymore.