![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
ic inbox ( ruby city ) Ⅰ
buongiorno! sorry i missed you; i'll happily get back to you as soon as i'm done with whatever business i'm on. leave a message!
( text | voice | video )
⇦ ● ⇨
buongiorno! sorry i missed you; i'll happily get back to you as soon as i'm done with whatever business i'm on. leave a message!
( text | voice | video )
⇦ ● ⇨
...
[Kakyoin glanced away, expression turning to a fond but forlorn smile.]
I don't know who or what I'd be if not for them. If I hadn't been involved in all this, I'd...just be on my own, even now. Still that miserable, despairing, isolated coward that wanted to change himself. They weren't the most conventional group of friends, but they're mine. I'll never forget a second of the time we spent together, even if it was short.
[Even if it ended the way it did, and even if he never saw the rest of them again. If he really did end up having to die for them, that was fine.]
Like I told you before...we belong here now. Even if we're not family, we're...family. Right?
[Kakyoin glanced away, expression turning to a fond but forlorn smile.]
I don't know who or what I'd be if not for them. If I hadn't been involved in all this, I'd...just be on my own, even now. Still that miserable, despairing, isolated coward that wanted to change himself. They weren't the most conventional group of friends, but they're mine. I'll never forget a second of the time we spent together, even if it was short.
[Even if it ended the way it did, and even if he never saw the rest of them again. If he really did end up having to die for them, that was fine.]
Like I told you before...we belong here now. Even if we're not family, we're...family. Right?
Mm.
[He nodded, still not quite looking up yet, just thinking about all of this. He'd still be on his own, too - even if he'd succeeded at becoming Don of Passione without Bruno, he'd be running it into the ground. And he'd be miserable. Because . . . Bruno taught him how to treat people with love, and Mista taught him how to be happy.]
[In the end, when he did glance up at Kakyoin again, it was a little too solemn, maybe, considering how light things had been a moment ago. But it was genuine, and he felt that was important, more important than being misleading to maintain some arbitrary standard of politeness. They were both beyond that with each other at this point, he though.]
We are. And you know that you're my family, too, if you want to be. Right? One of us.
[He nodded, still not quite looking up yet, just thinking about all of this. He'd still be on his own, too - even if he'd succeeded at becoming Don of Passione without Bruno, he'd be running it into the ground. And he'd be miserable. Because . . . Bruno taught him how to treat people with love, and Mista taught him how to be happy.]
[In the end, when he did glance up at Kakyoin again, it was a little too solemn, maybe, considering how light things had been a moment ago. But it was genuine, and he felt that was important, more important than being misleading to maintain some arbitrary standard of politeness. They were both beyond that with each other at this point, he though.]
We are. And you know that you're my family, too, if you want to be. Right? One of us.
He knows what he's talking about. And when you can get him to shut up and listen to what you're saying, and he understands it and believes it, it feels like an accomplishment. So I'm glad.
Izabel told me about what happened. I'm not going to apologize for her because that's her job, but I want you to know at least that I clarified some things for her. She misunderstood what you were saying and got scared because of what happened to us in the mirrors. I didn't tell your business or Kakyoin's, just mine.
Izabel told me about what happened. I'm not going to apologize for her because that's her job, but I want you to know at least that I clarified some things for her. She misunderstood what you were saying and got scared because of what happened to us in the mirrors. I didn't tell your business or Kakyoin's, just mine.
[Kakyoin folded his arms, clinging to either the fabric of his jacket or Hierophant beneath it. It wasn't clear which, but anyone that knew Kakyoin could take a pretty good guess.]
I'd really...like that, Giorno.
[His voice faltered and faded near the end of that sentence, and it was an agonizingly long few seconds before Kakyoin looked up again.]
I'm just...tired of feeling like this. Like I don't belong here when even I know that I do, or like I'm...replacing my real family for another one. I'm so sick of feeling guilty for everything I do at every minute.
I'd really...like that, Giorno.
[His voice faltered and faded near the end of that sentence, and it was an agonizingly long few seconds before Kakyoin looked up again.]
I'm just...tired of feeling like this. Like I don't belong here when even I know that I do, or like I'm...replacing my real family for another one. I'm so sick of feeling guilty for everything I do at every minute.
[Good deal, Jotaro, because he absolutely would not tell you.]
I told her I needed to know exactly what you said, because I believed that she'd misunderstood. She was too upset to tell me, or talk at all really, so she showed me the conversation instead.
I told her I needed to know exactly what you said, because I believed that she'd misunderstood. She was too upset to tell me, or talk at all really, so she showed me the conversation instead.
. . . Kakyoin, I . . . never really had a real family. Ah - so I don't know if I should say this, but I'm going to say it anyway. All right?
I don't think you can replace family. You can't ever take one person in your life and fill that role with someone else. It's just impossible. You can add to family, though. And I think the people in your family back home would understand and be happy for you, that you've found more people you love.
I don't think you can replace family. You can't ever take one person in your life and fill that role with someone else. It's just impossible. You can add to family, though. And I think the people in your family back home would understand and be happy for you, that you've found more people you love.
...She's the reason I figured out what it was I'd forgotten, because of that damn cat. I had said something to her about seeing a ghost before, and when she bothered me about it later, I didn't know what she was talking about. So I made her promise to ask me about it when I remembered, and to bug me until I told her, because I couldn't remember who could've died to cause that and it didn't feel right to have forgotten someone like that.
That's the background, of why she was asking that.
You've already read between the lines and figured out what happened and how, though. Right? Just from seeing what she showed you.
That's the background, of why she was asking that.
You've already read between the lines and figured out what happened and how, though. Right? Just from seeing what she showed you.
[Her smile finally softens, though it's still as happy as before, just in a different way. It's another lie they've created, but one that isn't at anyone's expense. Probably her favorite.]
That's good. [Mostly? Like, the idea was to deal with all these problems, but if trivializing them made it easier, then that was a job she could do.] I'm happy.
...Do you need a string?
That's good. [Mostly? Like, the idea was to deal with all these problems, but if trivializing them made it easier, then that was a job she could do.] I'm happy.
...Do you need a string?
...sorry. I probably shouldn't have brought them up, I know it's not the best subject in this case. But...no, you're probably right. They'd be relieved, I think--they always worried about how I never made friends with anyone.
[Hesitating, Kakyoin silently debated if he should continue. Did he really have any place saying this to Giorno of all people?]
I lied to them about Egypt. I made up some excuse and left with barely another word, after acting however strangely I must have been for months before that. In all the chaos, I barely even contacted them in those fifty days. And I don't think I've ever been honest with my parents a single day in my life...about Hierophant or anything else.
[And I might never get a chance to fix that, he thought, forcing back the remark that didn't need saying.]
Is it...still acceptable to try and find a place in a family I have nothing to do with after I fucked everything up with my own? I might just do the same here, somehow.
[Hesitating, Kakyoin silently debated if he should continue. Did he really have any place saying this to Giorno of all people?]
I lied to them about Egypt. I made up some excuse and left with barely another word, after acting however strangely I must have been for months before that. In all the chaos, I barely even contacted them in those fifty days. And I don't think I've ever been honest with my parents a single day in my life...about Hierophant or anything else.
[And I might never get a chance to fix that, he thought, forcing back the remark that didn't need saying.]
Is it...still acceptable to try and find a place in a family I have nothing to do with after I fucked everything up with my own? I might just do the same here, somehow.
Edited 2015-11-02 03:03 (UTC)
Yes. That's what I thought was probably going on. I don't know details, but I knew that you would have told me if something like what she was afraid of had actually happened.
She was worried that you'd done what I did, somehow, and trapped a spirit in its dead body. That's why she was so scared.
She was worried that you'd done what I did, somehow, and trapped a spirit in its dead body. That's why she was so scared.
Edited 2015-11-02 03:15 (UTC)
[It didn't need saying. He understood it effortlessly, because - well, it obviously wasn't the same at all, but it was similar to how he felt about Abbacchio. He wanted a chance to fix that. He wanted things to be okay, or as okay as they ever were. To have his family as together as the universe would allow.]
[So, one more time, he leaned forward and rested his hands over Kakyoin's hands, ducking his head to look up at him seriously.]
Family loves you no matter how many times you fuck up.
[You fucked up and people died . . .]
No matter how many times you do it, they let you back in, and they forgive you. We will always forgive you, Kakyoin.
[So, one more time, he leaned forward and rested his hands over Kakyoin's hands, ducking his head to look up at him seriously.]
Family loves you no matter how many times you fuck up.
[You fucked up and people died . . .]
No matter how many times you do it, they let you back in, and they forgive you. We will always forgive you, Kakyoin.
...I've thought a lot about what happened. What I saw, how I even...managed, what I did.
[...]
You know how sometimes the impossible happens, so people make up an explanation for it? It doesn't have to make sense, and you can sort of know it's bullshit deep down, but there's a part of you that wants to believe it anyway?
[...]
You know how sometimes the impossible happens, so people make up an explanation for it? It doesn't have to make sense, and you can sort of know it's bullshit deep down, but there's a part of you that wants to believe it anyway?
I have no idea how he lived that long. How he could've come back fine, after everything, but he did.
[He's never said this aloud, literally or figuratively, to anyone. It's so stupid, it's the sort of thing he's always kept to himself from the sheer inanity. And yet.]
I thought that. Wherever I saw him go to, it must've been where the others went. Everyone who died.
I made up this idea that they got so pissed off at him for showing up that they must've just picked him up and thrown him back down, the first opportunity they got.
[He's never said this aloud, literally or figuratively, to anyone. It's so stupid, it's the sort of thing he's always kept to himself from the sheer inanity. And yet.]
I thought that. Wherever I saw him go to, it must've been where the others went. Everyone who died.
I made up this idea that they got so pissed off at him for showing up that they must've just picked him up and thrown him back down, the first opportunity they got.
[Before he could let himself second-guess it, Kakyoin moved his hands to grip Giorno's securely but gently enough to leave the option of pulling away if he chose to.]
Thank you. I...you know that goes both ways, don't you? It's not important to me who you're related to, how similar you are, or what name you use. All that matters is that you're my friend, and my family if that's what you want to be.
Thank you. I...you know that goes both ways, don't you? It's not important to me who you're related to, how similar you are, or what name you use. All that matters is that you're my friend, and my family if that's what you want to be.
Page 14 of 46